I Am Scared To Think To Deep.

This is my first story here, and i am not sure how this all works but well,
i am a 15 year old girl and i am scared to look deep down in myself because im afraid what i find is that i am pure evil
i am afraid of myself and my actions since i have done a lot of stupid things, and it seems i not always learn from some

i tried making new starts but i still keep lying and doing things i think are bad, people tell me i tend to overreact with thinking something i do is bad but im not sure.. nothing in my head is sure and i feel confused all the time..

i dont understand why i feel alone or depressed sometimes, i am happy at the same time and it feel that more people, more personalities live inside me and im not myself always..

I have to most amazing boyfriend who is able to put up with my stupid drama and weird actions and toughts and i am so gratefull for that..
everything is so much better than the past , but why do i still do this?
i feel so confused since i think that i am evil yet people always tell me that i care to much about others, sometimes people who dont even know me or hate me, they say that i am warm hearted and a good person but im scared so sc ared to be a bad person

this makes me afraid to loose my boyfriend and respect from my family, i hate myself in so many ways yet my boyfriend showed me to love myself more.. what is wrong with me i hate it that i whine so much i have a great life..
i always felt that i was a bad child.. i just really want my head in order

sorry for my bad english and thank you so much for reading.
rainbowbatman rainbowbatman
13-15, F
3 Responses May 10, 2012

Thank you a lot for your comments, i really appericiate it :)<br />
and well im doing way better now i decided ill just be the best person i can be and always keep improving, let out all my fears and insecureties in parts so its easier to deal with. thank you so much for reading it means a lot.

You sound very brave to admit what almost everyone hides from.<br />
most get angry or turn to any other emotion in order to cover up the truth, we are all scared, all I can say is when you start to feel your worst get busy doing anything clean the house or plant something and do it by yourself.

of you are in deed MPD you have no control it is something youhave to learn to control and they all have to earn to work with each other<br />
if you want to talk feel free