I Don'T Know What To Do Anymore.

For the past two years or so, I've been extremely insecure. I dealt with it pretty well, until a couple of months ago. My insecurity is starting to interfere with my life; I'm always afraid of making a fool of myself and being judged.
I started to skip social events held by my school, even though all my friends go; I have always been really quiet in front of people, but now I'm afraid to speak my mind to anyone-even my family; I always blush when people talk to me because they're looking at my face and I'm embarrassed at my appearance; Lately, I've also started to shake if a lot of people are paying attention to me.
I only have one friend, but she has so many more friends and hangs out with them more than she hangs out with me. My family always points this out, too. But it's extremely hard for me to make friends. I just can't bring myself to talk in front of them because I'm afraid I'll make a fool of myself.
I used to be able to deal with all of this pretty well. Occasionally, I'd have hours or even a day or so where I was upset. But now I'm always upset. I'm never truly happy. My insecure thoughts keep running through my mind and I can't stop them. I've thoughts about self-harm and suicide, but I'm too scared to do anything to myself.
I've considered talking to my parents about this, and I even tried several times. But every time I opened my mouth to say it, the words just got stuck in my throat and I get too scared that they'll judge me. I'm only 13 years old and I'm so scared at how I think about everything and how scared I am to participate in life.
I can't talk to people, I have no friends, and I don't want to live but am too afraid to commit suicide. I just don't know what to do anymore.
fakesmilees fakesmilees
Jan 26, 2013