Right now, I have so much stuff on my mind and so much fear inside me. With school starting for me again and the inevitable future of collage coming ever closer, my fear and stress continues to increase. I have no idea what I want to do with my life, or if I even could do anything. I don't feel confident enough in myself to believe that I would be able to live on my own. I can't cook, wash, drive, anything. I'm an insane procrastinator too so with no one forcing me to do my school work when I slack off, I feel that I will end up screwing myself in collage. I also don't know if I will be able to have enough time to do keep up with all that I've gotten into. The multiple forums I'm into, my youtube channel that I'm trying to bring back from the depths of my lack of motivation, my friends, my family, and even just my own free time. I don't want to give up any of these things, as they all mean too much to me, but I don't know if I can have enough time to indulge myself with them. I just...don't have the confidence. I know that having confidence in myself can help me achieve my goals, maybe even manage my time effectively so that I won't have to give up anything. But...I just can't get that confidence. I've done so many things that I'm not proud of, some things that wouldn't seem as bad as others that could have been done, but they hurt me all the same inside. At this point, I feel that I'm only going to end up disappointing everyone that knows me. Destroy their expectations of me that are so high for some reason. I don't want that...I don't want to cause anymore disappointment or sadness then I already have caused. I just...want to live a happy and fun life, but as I am now, I see it as nearly impossible...
jaden12345 jaden12345
18-21, M
Aug 24, 2014