Stop It, Stop It, Stop It!!!

I know why you ask. I know why you want to know. I know your motives behind it. I know why you won't let it go, won't drop it. I know what you want. I know what you're trying to do here. I know what you're trying to force me to do. I know, I know, I know.

You monster...

I feel the panic rising in my chest, running through my blood. I feel the terror well up inside me. I feel my heart thumping in my chest, my body shaking on the inside. I can't breathe. I'm panicking, I'm panicking, I'm panicking...

So stop it, stop it, stop it!!!! JUST STOP!!!

Stop asking me every month, every week, every day, just STOP!!! Don't you see what you're doing to me?! Don't you know what I feel like doing when you make me panic like this?!

I'm crying, I'm crying, I'm crying...
No, no, no, no, no, no, no!!!
Please stop!

I'm running out of oxygen, the room is getting smaller and you ask. You ask and ask and ask and ask. I freak out, freak, freak, freak, freak the **** out.
No, no, no, no, no, no!!!!

Should I grab a knife and slice your throat open or at least cut your tongue off at the seam so you can never ask me that question again? Should I do something to myself in front of you so you can see with your own eyes what that question is doing to me and scare you into shutting up at last? Should I chainsaw my ears off so my they won't have to listen to you ask that question and make the panic in me and the need to kill you rise in me again? You're making it worse...
Worse, worse, worse, worse, worse.
Stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop!

I need to breathe, I must...
Breathe, breathe, breathe, breathe, breathe... Just breathe...
Calm, relax, serenity, peace...
Silence.

I need to look over at you and wear a mask and pretend that the question didn't just have that effect on me like I always do.
I'm getting tired of pretending, even if it spares me further questions.

So stop. Stop before I do something I will regret, whether to you or myself in the name of extreme panic and insanity.
Stop. Now. Stop. Fast.

Stop.
It.
Now.
Stop.

(EP members, this wasn't directed at any of you guys, I just thought I would lose it if I didn't get this out of my chest as soon as possible, I feel better for now).
deadmoon deadmoon
22-25, F
May 14, 2012