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I Live A Life Of A Lie

I just turned 20, and my life is a living hell. that sounds cliche right? I was raped when I was 12 in 6th grade, by my best friend and his dad. im gay. does anyone even understand how that feels? I constantly go through my mind wondering if I was suppose to enjoy the event...or not. I hate feeling like this. I was diagnosed with throat cancer five months ago and I am, literally, in physical agonizing pain. It hurts so much that I can barely get out of bed in the morning. everyone around me is so full crap, they all hate me. my parents hate that I am gay, my friends are never there for me, I dont know what to do. I take so many different types of medication and nothing seems to help. I wish I was in love, because I never have been. I cant let people touch me because it send shivers down my spine. I was bullied all through school years for being a ****** and shoved into lockers for it. I hate feeling so abnormal. I have a set date for my suicide. and not just a date, also..a time, place, and way that I am going to do it. Its coming up pretty soon, so I dont have that much time left to save myself. and if I cannot save myself, then I am going to do it in the only possible way I see fit, which is to kill myself. I hate hateing myself. I can not take this pain anymore...

FriendlyStranger FriendlyStranger 22-25, M Jan 3, 2010

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