I Don't Know What I'm Searching For

Since I don't know what I'm searching for, I suppose it's like being on a neverending journey.

I feel like I need something to be passionate about. Sure I can pick any numerous causes,hobbies, charities or whatever but I don't think that's it. Perhaps what I'm searching for is not something to do itself, maybe it's more of someone to be? I'm not saying I don't want to be myself, I think it's more along the lines of defining who I am, or creating who I am.

Right now, I kind of go along with life. Whatever happens, happens. I could pick up the reigns and go somewhere, but where would I be going? I guess the problem starts with being unable to see a future for myself? I know at the end I'm a mother, I will always be a mother, but I'm sooo much more!

SashaAmazon SashaAmazon
36-40, F
15 Responses Jun 2, 2009

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I feel this way, searching but never finding. I'm a mother of three boys, and I know they will help me in the end discover whatever it is I am to discover. Its a feeling of soul searching, that isn't filled with the stupidity of common society lures. Its something much greater. Like I know I'm destined to understand something amazing. Its hard sometimes to fully enjoy life, when you know all the answers you seek will be answered in death. I know that sounds morbid, but I'm actually a very peacful and humble individual. I just know that there is so much more I'm going to learn, and I'm anxious to know what it all means.

That's strange, I've always wondered if you'll know things you've wanted to know when you die.

I know by now you have committed suicide so rest in peace

walk in those footsteps.

I'm looking for a song I found many years ago typing words into the Youtube search bar. Found this experimental, 'story telling' track, with no words, just a unique mesh of 'odd'. Had it on loop a few times as I tried to go to sleep.
'Like to draw every once in awhile; that song inspired the creation of a character in my non-existent comic.
Wanted to go back and reflect on the song, see if it'd get me out of my rut of procrastination - nowhere to found. Nothing in my history, not a CLUE what I typed to find it ..

S'been 4 years since I first heard it, 'n for the first two I tried a couple of times once every few months, to find that track. No luck.

I'm at it again today..

It lead me here.

All I seem to want is the VERY BEST for my Step Grandchildren, since I've never fathered a child.

You and you alone know what you seek. You and you alone know what is "complete' and what is lacking in your life. If you have found contentment in what you have and in what you do, the contentment is yours and no one else'... We seek "completeness" outside ourselves in the world, but everything we need, everything we seek is already inside of us, we just never think to look there...

It's plain BOREDOM!!

two years back i was having same mind set as you do ....... but then one of my friend suggested me to read about an indian non-profit organization "Tej Gyan foundation".... and after reading and viewing their ideology i just glad ........ that this is even possible with me.....<br />
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im always searching for something too....and the more i search the least i find....maybe this should happen so that life wont get boring but at the same time its also keeping me away from everything coz i just cant find that thing im looking for in them and its making me feel lonelier and lonelier inside....whenever i intend to stop searching and become like others doing the same thing every minute,boredom steps in me therefore it makes me search from the beginning but why and what is it that i just cant find?

I don't think the wake-up project is it. Cute plug though. <br />
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Perhaps this is similar to the feeling you have, Sasha. <br />
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I've found a lot of things already. I've found an education, I've found a career, I've found a wife, I've found God, I've found friends, I've found the types of movies I like, I've found the types of music I like, I've found the types of games I like, I've found that home is where I am, and yet, I'm still looking for something. <br />
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One might say that I just obsess over finding things, but it's more like there's a void, however small, that I just can't seem to fill. It's like a dead pixel on a giant LCD TV, and despite the fact that there are millions and millions of other pixels that work just fine, this minuscule void seems to take up the whole screen. <br />
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Perhaps one may argue that I am being ungrateful for that which I have, and that I should just change my attitude. Maybe. I've tried that, and I keep circling back over and over. If I knew what I was looking for, perhaps I'd know where to look, and perhaps I could even rest in the knowledge that I will never obtain what I seek. Yet here I am. Still feeling like a part of me, at some point, wandered off and left no forwarding address. Perhaps this feeling of incompleteness is just my wanting to live a complete life and die at the end? To end everything early would be senseless because I would then spend eternity knowing that I had left something that I could now never complete. No, I must live my life out. The question then remains, what is it to live a full and complete life? What am I to obtain? Which personality trait, philosophy, relationship, status, belief, whatever am I to strive for? Oh, that cursed electron of a void! I can feel it moving with me in life, but I have no idea where it is! Okay, that was a little obscure... Perhaps I'm just looking for someone to talk to who understands me and what I am going through in life. Someone to whom I can say anything without worry of judgment, rejection, or offense. Perhaps the void is a profound feeling of loneliness in a crowded room...

You just told my life. I am a single mom of 4 w a good paying career that I hate love and I love God. I've googled everything from Angels nephilim to vampires a void is here it goes w me everywhere each night I pray for a dream or something. I could go into my life's story but what for? The void will still exist

I believe this is what you are looking for... http://thewakeupproject.blogspot.com/search/label/the%20arrivals

Good point Genabi. Never thought about it like that. Perhaps we find it and being the greedy people we are, we search for something else? Or maybe we find inner peace. <br />
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But as Jeff Jeffries (comedian) says (and I'm paraphrasing), "I don't care how blissful Heaven is, if you live it everyday, eventually it gets boring". <br />
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Yeah, so right back to agreeing with you. Maybe I can find some peace in knowing that never finding it keeps me busy!

i am searching for what i do not know. i feel ya. but im not sure i wanna know. maybe we're just never suppost to figure out quite what it is. i mean wouldnt things get boring once u achieve your ultimate.. whatever lol.

i am also serching for someone it is love that i belive your searching for cos i know loniness is a messed up feeling