Love Is Within My NatureMy aunt remembers one thing about my Grandmother, who passed away when I was about seven. My Grandmother told my aunt that I have a loving heart, and I found this out much later from my aunt when I was fifteen. When I was about three and a half, there was a woman who was taking care of me at a day care center, she was hard of hearing like me, and when my parents informed her that my family and I were leaving to a different place, I was told she wanted to adopt me. When I was 15 in Arizona, Sedona, I had a dream from God. All my life, I remember something so incredible I thought everyone understood and at least could remember something about it. To me it is Home, Real, and Alive. I even remember a great place where there is a being so wonderful: The hair was powerful Light, the features were so relaxed and full of love that anyone who is held by this wonderful being would feel beyond safe, unbelievably secure, infinitely close and immense with this being. I love that place where I can just stare in eternity with love. One major thing I remember in this very loving environment is walking in the serene temperament of something close to thinking upon your own breath. My feeling is very trans formative. Being close to a being like that is so powerful, the outer reaches of that place is the only way to be Ready to go past the Veil. Once I am calm from the immense love, a friend comes to tell me with Telepathic music which can only be described as "Ready". I go before the powerful center of Love, the Ever Renewing Being tells of a virtuous woman, which, "From Joy I will be given birth". As I stand on the portal platform, one Trustee of this wonderful being expressed what I feel, "Don't worry, all is well." I scrape through the terrifying veil of Illusion, feeling many blocks occur. Now I am here in this empty space that reflects our perception.
My life is much different than what one might think after reading all that experience. Once I learn how to speak, I start learning people are not that aware of anything I have experienced. Growing up is very challenging. Sometimes the pain of being bullied from kindergarten to eighth grade was too much that I saw not much of my experience. In fact, a friend told me that in second grade, I was so bullied that I cried and ran down the halls yelling "Fire" because I sincerely thought the building was burning down. When I try to remember it, I realize that I did see something like fire, at first I was noticing bright flickering flames in my field of vision. Then it began to get more numerous, and consumed my whole vision. I started crying and ran out the door, down the halls, and basically screamed at the top of my lungs. I can't remember much later, but my parents were definitely not informed of this. I am sure the principal was with a psychologist or something, I'm not sure, In fact I convinced them that I was okay. It was something that happened once. Every day I ate alone at lunch, not because people didn't think I was fun to play with or unsociable, but bullies made sure that I was picked on so much, as I later learn from another person (learning to be a psychologist, and was good too) that kids stay away from the victim of the bullies so that they don't get picked on either. I forgave my bullies, over and over, everytime I was ransacked in the boys locker room, or my clothes were thrown in the shower so I had to wear wet clothes for the day (I borrowed clothes towards the end of the day at 2:45 p.m. to go home dry) and was relentlessly tried to make me believe I was worthless. High school I came down with a disorder during freshman year where I played football, excelled okay, and sophomore year had to discontinue. I was really upset by sophomore year, and went to a christian "homeless night". After that I got a sinus infection and went to the doctor. He prescribed me something, and I declined. He wanted to give me Prednisone. I happened to say, "Well as long as it is not steroids I am fine." "It is a form a steroid, but not the bad kind" he said. I declined, but I still had the sinus infection. Next time I went to the doctor with a different parent. He gave my mom the drug, and I trust my mom, and took it from her even thought I refused it the first time.
Basically, Now I am in college... experiencing more difficulties such as trying to learn and maybe less pain. I personally think that my pain isn't so great. But I am praying there is someone out there... like me