Still Searching...

I ended up on this website because I googled "searching for truth" (it's also the subtitle of my own website).


At the moment, I'm still searching... Over the past few years I've drifted from the general belief that 'there is a God' to Wicca, general paganism, Christianity (Catholic and evangelical) to... well, where I'm now.

I left my church a few weeks ago, but didn't really attend church regularly since November. It's difficult to believe that this time last year I was still 'sure' about Christianity. But thinking back, I wasn't really, even at that time.

My biggest problem was always *knowing* and experiencing that, yes, God is there. But... the other parts of Christianity? The Trinity or ... well, even just 'Jesus'... Who was he anyway? ... It just didn't add up for me.

God is the most important aspect of my life. All things come from God, God is the creator of... everything, including my own little person. So, of course God is important. But how that fits in religion, or just simply in my life... It's hard to figure that out.

One part of the Bible that always gives me this feeling of truth, it where it says "God never changes - God is always the same". When I read that, I realised that... yes, that's exactly how things are (for me). But if God never changes, then Jesus doesn't make much sense...

So I drifted away from Christianity, I couldn't honestly say "I'm a Christian" anymore, so I stopped calling myself that...

Meanwhile I was discovering Judaism. One of my aunts is Jewish, she converted after meeting my uncle to marry him. In researching Judaism I was searching for something I didn't agree with, something that I didn't know as 'truth'... And I'm still searching after almost a year! ... Maybe it's the way I'm supposed to go... But then, it complicates things. It's not easy at all to convert to Judaism where I live... and also... what if Judaism *isn't* the right thing... What about Islam?

At the moment I'm researching Islam as well... I mean, God can't change... but after the first prophets more turned up right? So why couldn't yet another have lived a bit later on? ... But it scares me, because of the negative image a lot of people have of Islam - the image that I myself held to be atleast partly true until just a few months ago...

I have a translation of the Qu'ran that I'm reading but... I'm just not sure.

So my search continues... Even if I end up in yet another religion, or no religion at all... I just want to live my life always trying to find truth. Not hide behind a facade, pretending this longing for truth and righteousness isn't there... because really, in the end, this is who I am...

I really hope I'll find my place some time in the foreseeable future, but if I can't find a place to fit in as it is, I'll create that place... Because I'm not willing to compromise anymore!

liora liora
18-21, F
2 Responses Sep 4, 2009

Look inside yourself and you will find yourself, search the truth and you will became crazy, sad and probablly dependent.

I have just passed the same experience you did and in the end realized that all religions pretend to transmit the same message, would you like to read my conclusions, because I´m convinced that´s the truth.