Who Am I Really??

How did I get so lost?  I always had a good sense of self growing up.  I was so confident- I always put my all into reaching and accomplishing every goal I ever had.  I was healthy and active and quite happy. 

Now I am so uncertain,  scared, unhealthy, unfit, unhappy and struggling to find hope.  It seems logical that if I once knew who I was that I can either reinvent myself or if I search hard enough find my old self deep inside- but I am just so lost!!

I am trying to read every book and anything i can find online about change, being positive, etc. I am researching to find a new place to live, trying to figure out what I can do for work. 

It is hard feeling I am just "existing" not really surviving.  In order to feel anything else I would have to feel connected to a sense of self which is missing.  I feel such turmoil inside.  It seems the world around me is moving along with everyone else knowing who they are and what they need to do -albeit most of them are angry- but at least they have a self to be!  I don't even feel I have a personality at all anymore. 

Once in awhile, I find myself laughing or smiling and it feels strangely odd, yet familiar and then it vanishes and I am lost once more!!

Where am I? Who am I?  How does everyone else have this figured out? Where is the answer and if it is inside of me- how do I reach it??????

 

chiak chiak
36-40, F
3 Responses Feb 18, 2009

I lost the feeling of who I was long ago. <br />
<br />
I am not sure of much anymore. <br />
<br />
Parts of me are gone and I wo't get them back.<br />
<br />
People change for bad or good. People find themselves as well all the time.<br />
<br />
I'm not one to say that as its not true for me

I like the idea- 1 step at a time! I just need to find the inner strength and patience. The one thing I have going for me right now is that I have never been one to give up! <br />
Thanks for the positives!!

Baby steps toward your ideal self. This sounds right. Note that "Ideal" comes from "I-DEVINE"...DD