Life Is A Challenge

I have always wondered what the purpose of LIFE was? I have never accepted the general thought that it is just to enjoy it. I keep thinking that there surely has to be a purpose in life besides just LIVING. There has to be MORE..... but in the end the most realistic conclusion is that there really is no other purpose beyond the simplicity of just LIVING. Though LIFE is not that simple and comes with challenges. I sometimes find myself wondering why I keep living. I no longer want to be a part of a world that holds no purpose. I look up religions, mythologies, etc... for a more complex answer into the meaning of LIFE, but in the end I can't blindly follow something I don't think exists. If I could only convince myself that things like the BIBLE(for example) are real. I would no longer be having my existential crisis and confusion would be much lessened. There are days in which I no longer want to handle life obstacles like responsibilities, adversity, judgment,etc... I want to just end it all now and not handle the challenges because life serves no purpose beyond the small things like making others, like family members happy that you are still alive. Then, I realize that I don't want to leave this world just yet. I am still curious about things going on in this world like earthquakes, the economy, climate changes, technology advancements,etc.. I'm saving up money so in a couple of years I can do a self discovery of myself and LIFE. Then I will either find what I am looking for or it will be the end of me. I understand why people see suicide as taboo and just completely wrong but I have my own morals and beliefs. Suicide is a topic that I talk openly about with others. We have to come to terms with death some day. The only difference is that one could be making a huge mistake by killing one's self. I also believe that suicide is a selfish act like many others believe, but I don't believe there is such thing as selfless act.

 

Thank you for reading my experience with LIFE. 

mind202 mind202
18-21, M
3 Responses Mar 16, 2010

Joker120: I enjoy your humor and I really don't know what I'm looking. Just looking for some sort of clue that will give me hope that there is a bigger meaning to every single LIFE. There is just so many questions that many people don't seek. I've tried to avoid them, but I just can't.

Melliebray: I understand where your coming from. Also, I do know what I'm good at like mathematics, computer designing, science, etc.. Its not like I wake up everyday and want to kill myself. Most of the time I'm emotionless, but I still find humor. I might go later in the month to a psychologist and see if I suffer from depression, but I really doubt I do. Maybe there is a clinical term for what I have been going through for years or maybe there isn't. I'm not even sure there is a next stage in life. I've handled a lot of challenges in my life, but sometimes if the adversity is too much I just don't feel like challenging it anymore. I know its hard to understand where I'm coming from but sometimes I can't even understand myself. I live with the hope that there is a bigger purpose in life and hopefully someday I will find some sort of clue to keep me up. I don't know if I'll ever accept LIFE as simply enjoyment.

Suicide prolongs the denial. Do you really think it will be any better in the next stage, wherever that may lie??? Taking the easy way out always seems to make everything harder in the long run, or says my experiences so far.<br />
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I've done a lot of soul searching also. I came to the clear conclusion that my meaning of life is different to everyone else's, thus no one can tell me what it means and have me believe them. I've also come to the conclusion that I have my purpose, and the only way I can truely express it to feel whole is to slow down and listen.... I meditate and the answers come. Never as quickly as I would like I'm afraid. Patience is part of the lesson.<br />
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My life's purpose dictates self ex<x>pression in my creativity. Finding the answers came from questioning what I am good at, what I can do with that. What matters to me, not anyone else. For me I have to let go of all criticisms ever said about me, and be who I really am, no more hiding my true self out of fear of rejection. Push through the fear, sadness, anger etc..... what lies beneath??? Are the parts of me others convinced me was wrong, really wrong at all???<br />
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Accept that there is no truth, but there is something that will ring very true for you one day...<br />
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I'm still working on it myself, I write all the time, it gets clearer every day, then it gets clearer how much I still don't know and that is the fascination of life. DON'T THROW THAT AWAY JUST YET!!!