The Beginning

I've always been very quiet. I've always been content with being alone because that's all I knew. I've made my own mistakes and live with them every day. No one knows everything I have been through. My parents do not even know everything. I have been depressed, suicidal, and sexually abused. I am 21 years old, currently in my sophomore year of college, and every morning I wake up I have to put my wall of lies up.

I was mildly bullied in elementary school and middle school. In high school I was just ignored. I did have friends in high school, but they hung out with a larger group of people that I could tell were only pretending to be my friends. I was the quiet, boring girl that no one really wanted to hang out with. They did not invite me to parties. I would always hear about them later in school. Then I would make up something like 'Well if you had of invited me I wouldn't have been able to go anyways because [insert lie]'. On top of that I had problems at home.

My mom supports me in anything I do, my dad is not around, and my step dad is a whole other story for another day. My brother moved in with my dad when I was nine. When he was around he was the favorite to everyone. He is just the opposite of me, so everyone liked him more. When we had family gatherings for anything the same question always come up. 'Do you have a boyfriend?' I would always shy away and mumble 'no' then get away as soon as possible. I still do not know why the biggest concern for them was whether I was dating someone or not. My family had very little respect for me and who I was.

I don't know if anyone is interested in reading any of this or reading anything I might post in the future. I don't normally talk about myself, but things are starting to get to me. Everything is haunting me everyday. There is a chunk of my life that I want to be able to tell someone because it's killing me inside. It's hard for me to find someone that genuinely cares. There is so much to tell, but I can only tolerate to relive a little at a time. I know I haven't put much information in this post, but all of this eventually turns into much more.
SecretScorpio12 SecretScorpio12
26-30, F
2 Responses Dec 16, 2012

Your someone like me.

I am a pisces!

I read your story in full. I am not going to pretend I can help you except to say I sympathise. That's a compliment by the way.