12"Denise, look at me"
"What happen, to your arm?"
"Then where did the big gashes come from.?"
STOP trying to make me talk! its not going to work, i've been talking all my life. about mom about dad about being in foster home after foster home. about being raped, and abused and all the crap that has ever happen to me. I've never complained about anything, NOTHING. not once at all! i've dealt with my own problems by myself. YES I DID CUT MY ARM. Want me to be honest? I never cut before, so needed a reason. i have twelve cuts on my left arm, all with a meaning behind it, that goes with the size of it...
"That's not a good choice"
[Looks him in the eyes] Well i didn't have a gun, it would've went way better.
[sighs] ill go from smallest to biggest, since you wont leave me alone..
the first one, is for how stupid i am to even consider this.
second one is for, how i'm being a ***** about it and just wont cut my arm.
the third, [laughs] is how bold i've gotten, i actually drew more blood.
the fourth, well this one is for the person that told me i was worthless.
the fifth is for being stupid and listening to them.
the sixth, [looks at him crying] it started to feel good...it felt great.
the seventh, well, i'm dying.....my body is shutting down. my pancreas has an infection and is causing "organs mis-functionalism" but i never complain.
the eighth, is for how much i hate my life.
the ninth is for how much i lie, to cover up the pain in my heart and try to make everyone happy.
the tenth, is for how god takes people out of my life for no reason.
the eleventh , is for how the man that raised me who i called father, isn't my father....but that doesn't matter hes dead anyways.
the twelfth, the biggest one. and deepest, is for how i'm ******* parent-less and don't have family or anything. its for how i just let my mom died. its for how i just let my dad die, its for how i'm not strong and how i ***** about everything and for how no one will every love me or how no one will every live a life with me regardless of relationship. [crying my heart out] its for no matter what someone does to me or how bad they beat me or anything, i cant hate them, i want to but i cant, its not in me. its for all the times my dad gave me drugs and gave me away its for everything ive never told anyone its for everything........its for how in 2009 nine i killed myself, was announced dead, and they couldn't revive me, but 30 minutes after signing my paper i came back. and how god has yet to have showed me why i'm here........Why did he choose me out of all the people in the world. he could've chose someone else.....but i wouldn't wish my pain, on my worst enemy........
"[staring at me] Denise......[holds hand] i didn't know....
[Crying and staring at sky] [drops to ground] You weren't suppose to know.....
SameOllove 18-21, F 3 Responses 3 Feb 21, 2013