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Two Personalities.

I am a well-liked senior at my highschool.  I am a cheerleader, member of the NHS, and member of the track team.  I have always been voted as best smile, most friendly, best personality, best attitude, etc. in the end of the year polls.  However, secretly I hate my life.  My boyfriend broke up with me a while back, but I still love him more than anything.  He doesn't care about my feelings at all and left me because he got a chance with this prettier girl that he's always wanted.  I've never been in love before and I can't stop thinking about him.  I cry myself to sleep EVERY night, and the only thing that has kept me from killing myself is that I don't want to go to Hell.  A while back ago I wished a car would hit me accidentally so it wouldn't be suiced, and I ended up getting in a car wreck.  Instead of what I wanted, only my car was totaled, and I have no money to get a new one.  So on top of everything else, I have no car even if I did want to hang out with friends, who by the way are all selfish backstabbers.  In school I act completely happy because that's how I wish I could be.  It's not becasue I'm bi-polar, crazy, or fake, but that's what my family and friends would think if they knew.  I have tried everything to get him to love me again, but he said he wants nothing to do with me. 
SecretlyDepressed1 SecretlyDepressed1 16-18, F 6 Responses Sep 3, 2007

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sweetheart..**.if i was your mum*** and read this ...i would feel so sad ..JUST REMEMBER.****..YOUR ..MUM.. IS YOUR BEST ..FRIEND ***...AND IF YOU DO NOT HAVE ONE I AM SURE THERE IS A LOT OUT THERE THAT WOULD CLAIM YOU AS THERE** DAUGHTER *** I WAS YOUR AGE ONCE.**.. AND YES** HURTS** LIKE HELL**** BUT YOU ARE NOT GOING THERE ***JUST WAIT***SOMETHING ***BETTER ****IS **AND***ITS**COMING**TOO***YOU***HE**WILL**WISH**HE**HAD**YOU**BACK****TOO***BUT YOUR** TOO** GOOD ***FOR** HIM***SWEETDREAMS XX

I share your pain, I am also still going through a breakup and my ex has a new gf. She is 12 years younger than me, super-skinny, studies fashion, etc. The pain of losing someone you love to someone else is like a part of you being ripped out your body and soul. Or at least that's how it felt to me....well, and still feels that way some days.

I also have two personalities, one is the always cheery and laughing one and the other the depressed and lonely. I wonder if I should actually lead two different lives sometimes.

I hope you get over your ex, it will take time, it always does. Take your time and be kind to yourself, he certainly doesn't deserve you taking your life because of him.

I wish you all the best and lots of love with someone who knows how to appreciate you.

First loves linger like a mofo. It's extremely tough. It took me a good couple of years until I was finally able to see my first love for how he genuinely was--and he was genuinely a pretty stupid, unkind guy.

It sounds like you are a very talented, very friendly person. I know it's hard to get over someone you love, but you deserve much better. You don't have 2 personalities, you are just afraid to show people how you feel. You don't want to be judged. Surround yourself with people you trust and things that you love doing. The more time you occupy doing things you enjoy, the less time you have to be sad over your ex.

WOW!!! i never knew someone was exactly like me!! u know..I'm also in the same situation.. except, i don't have a car...





I'm always awarded the "most cheerful" whenever there's a poll in our school.. and a lot of people like me because of my attitude... but whenever i feel depressed, which is almost every time. I just think about these things; that whatever happens God is still there to support you, even if ALL your friends turn their backs against you. And it doesn't matter if everyone in this world hates you, God still loves you, and that somewhere, someone is in a worse situation than you are, and that you should be thankful because even if you're not sure about it, someone still cares about you.

It sounds like you are having a really hard time. But before you try any harder to get him back, try to think if you really want to be with someone who dumped you simply because he thought he had a chance with someone else: could you ever really trust that he wouldn't do it again? You sound like a great person who many people would be fortunate to be friends with. Maybe it is time to make some friends that you don't feel are selfish back-stabbers. You deserve to have friends who support you as much as you support them, and a boyfriend who loves you for who you are, not what you look like.