I Want My Life Back !

After watching the DVD "THE SECRET" about 15+ times and reading THE SECRET - book also, my "mission" from here on is clear to me:

I need to re-gain my independence back to be happy in my life and toss all my fears out the window.

I also gave up taking anti-depressants, to be "clear" in my mind.

No - I was not taking anti-depressants for depression - it was more to calm me down, so that I shut my mouth and not do any harm to my soon-to-be 17-year old step-son...and it was maybe a little bit about my ignorant husband also.

I am absolutely astonished about how simple the solution of not taking (legal) mood-elevating drugs is, by just not giving a **** about anyone else then me anymore !

Okay - that's a little harsh - sure I do care about my own daughter and my (remaining) friends - but not at all about my step-son and my husband.

After only being married 8 months, my husband cheated on me last year : He used one of those on-line dating services, to date a woman who didn't have a clue, that he was married.

He tried to get 8 or more women to date, before one dummy fell for his advances. He also tried to re-connect with 2 past relationships (which he cheated on his first wife with - the first wife died of an accident about 6years ago).

I found all this out, by putting a key-logger on the computer and read all the mails he sent to and received from several women.

He told 3 different women that he loves them, and he was planning with two of them to move out of state.

Again - that was after we were just 8 months married !

I asked myself WHY at least a thousand of times - and then found out the truth:

No - it wasn't me, it wasn't a boring sex-life, it wasn't my hair-color, my figure, etc.

It was and is HIM !!!!

He is a short, bald-headed guy who looks at least 5-7 years older then me - and we are the same age (He's accually 13 days older then me).

He is the most miserable parent I have EVER met, and he has not only a "little man complex", but also thinks, everything he says is right.

He drinks like a fish and snores like a chainsaw.

And so I found out, that it's HIS problem, HIS insecurities, HIS stupidness, that made him **** around on me.

IT'S NOT ME - because in my eyes and the eyes of my friends, I am pretty "awesome".

I used to have my own appartment, car and a job that provided for my daughter (she's turning 21 next month) and me and I NEVER gotten any help from anyone in raising her - not even child-support from my first husband !

I completely gave up my independence a.k.a. LIFE, to be with this man I am married to, and to be there for HIS kids - which were then 15 and 17 years old.

His daughter moved out very quickly after I moved in, and we have a good relationship.

But his son is a very evil, un-compassionate little ***** and he is a complete waste of skin. I see it this way: he is the reason, why abortions are legal today and he should have been drowned at birth.

Harsh, you think ?

Well, you don't have to read my story - but before you judge prematurely, I will tell you, why I HATE my step-son so much...

It would probably take me weeks or months to tell you everything this boy did to me, but I will give you a few examples...and don't forget (Becasue I often do) - it's the horrible parenting, what made him the waste of skin he is today !

It all startted, when my husband and me were dating.

He brought his son over to my appartment to let him meet me, and I had dinner fixed (a simple, home-made potato-soup: I am an excellent cook and used to be a chef in a high-class restaurant a few years back).

After I served dinner, he looked at it and said :"I am not hungry, I don't want to eat "THAT" (He said that, like I had served him a raw & bloody goat's heart or something).

His dad told him to at least try it, and the boy just looked at it and made a face like he has to throw up.

Remember: I am the parent of my own daughter, and if my daughter would have been that rude to anyone, she would have known that there would be consequences - that's why my daughter would NEVER react this rude !

And his dad (my now husband)? He said: "Okay - but I am not buying you Burger King later - then you have to make yourself a sandwich !"

Again - what great parenting-skills !

I excused the whole thing with the poor boy having lost his mom.

Later - when I was TOO DEEP into the relationship with my now husband already, I found out that there was another wife AFTER he was a widower and that his second marriage didn't last very long...

So a few weeks later, when I gave up job, car & appartment and moved in, the boy wasn't cleaning anything in the house: Not his room, he didn't clean after himself, and he pissed NEXT TO THE TOILET instead of IN the toilet.

And if you think, that he learned by now to aim, you're very mistaken !

One after another of my personal possessions (knick-knacks, collectables, vases, etc.) were broken by my step-son after I moved in.

My new and expensive towels were used by him to mop up everything from their dog's pissy accidents to the dirty, muddy sneakers.

My underwear-drawers were gone through,  things were taken from my personal drawers like scissors and fingernail-clippers - and never brought back.

My mascara/eyebrow brush was used by my step-son and my scissors I use to cut my bangs with were used to cut his pubic hair over the toilet-seat, where he didn't even clean up the mess - and the ****-puddles and the smell in the toilet were never taken care of, unless I cleaned it up.

My friends didn't visit me anymore, becasue they couldn't deal with the dis-respect of my step-son towards me and them.

And my husband ?

He excused all those actions and more with the old excuse, that "the poor boy lost his mom so early"....

OH PLEASE !!!!

It had been YEARS after his mom died, that he acted up like this !

Every night when my husband came home from work, he got an ear-full of what his son did today...and there were no consequences taken, because of the "poor, orphaned boy": REMEMBER - he was almost 16 years old at that point, not a toddler !

If you think, that he might be slightly retarded or handicapped or autistic, I have to dissapoint you:

He is a healthy teenager with disrespect for his elders (any elders).

He called his teachers "Homos", calls black people "*******, Jigs, Monkeys", etc. but listens mostly to rap music and dresses like black entertainers (doesn't make sense, does it ?) and for christmas he wanted a "grill".

Again - people: There is no evidence of any physical disability !

My "dear" step-son calls me on a regular basis a ***** - in front of his father (and my husband doesn't do a thing about it, becasue he's such a "poor orphan"), and he calls me names in front of all his school-friends, which in return disrespect me as well.

And the spineless bastard I am married to doesn't do NOTHING !!!!

The son calls him "*******" and tells him and myself "Shut up" all the time...

Once he stood in my way and wouldn't move - instead he pushed me to the side, and that's when I had enough and pushed him back - right through the glass-window in our kitchen door.

After that I had peace for about 3 days...

Just a few weeks ago, he threatened to "Beat my ******* face in the wall", because I hit his hand out of the way to save my puppy from agony:

He took his hand, wrapped it around my puppie's open mouth and ripped his whole head back and forth, so that the poor animal was bleeding out of his mouth.

Response of my husband:

ZERO - ZILCH - NADA !

At the start of this year, my husband bought his son a sporty, little red car - and the son was mad becasue he wanted a truck.

Finally, he figured that his peers were envious of the little sportscar (a fiero) and he "learned" to live with driving a car instead of a truck.

Soon after he got the car, he received his first ticket for reckless driving...but instead of taking the car away from the boy, my husband set an appointment at court to fight the ticket, because the "poor boy" couldn't possibly done anything wrong (The police took pictures of the tire-tracks in the snow and they had 2 witnesses).

Just 2 weeks ago the boy received another ticket: He was pulled over for fishtailing his car on a gravel road, and when the cop asked for proof of insurance, the boy didn't find it: I had to drive to court and pay the $ 25.00 - fee for the ticket (my husband gave me the money and send me on the "errand").

The boy also got caught shoplifting about 2 months ago, which also cost us a restitution of almost $ 90.00.

Any disciplinary actions from my husband ? NONE !

Was the car ever taken away from the boy ? Yeah - for about 2 days, until he had to go back to school after easter-break...since the school is about 1/4 mile away from our house and the boy can't possibly walk there - like everyone else does !

And a job for the boy ? Well, he brings applications home to please his daddy - but he never drops them back off at the stores he "applies" to, since he simply doesn't want to work, but get money for free from daddy...

A week before easter we had to put the son in Alternative Ed, because otherwise he would be a 3rd year freshman in high school after this summer.

No - not because he's got a learning disability - but because he calls all his teachers "homos" or "*******" and because he is lazy and doesn't care about anyone but himself.

AND THAT'S EXACTLY, WHEN IT "HIT" ME :

My husband and step-son BOTH think, everything is all about them - they are mega-egoistic individuals and so I just had to re-structure my own thinking:

This life, MY LIFE, is about ME also - not them !

I was sooooo much happier, being alone, independent & happy.

I had a very nice male friend, which I could talk to, laugh with, be silly with - and we had sooo much fun ! Our relationship was very platonic and we both felt comfortable with each otherand agreed about so many things.

And one day my husband walked into my life, brought his baggage (the son) with him and wreaked havoc on my life.

I want my old life back !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The life, where I didn't have to ask for money to buy myself a pair of shoes. The life, where I laughed daily and had no worries. The life, where nobody called me names. The life, where i would be completely content sitting next to my male-friend on a bench and enjoy the sunset.

In short: My happy, free, wonderful life - the one I lost !

I WANT MY LIFE BACK - and I will get it back !!!!!!!!!!

Remember what I wrote earlier ?

If everybody else here thinks about themselves, it's finally time to think and concentrate on person number one : ME !

I am figuring, that I will be out of here, out of this situation, out of this crappy life who is sheer HELL by the earliest in fall, and the latest in about 18 months !

What the hell happened to me ?

I was a beautiful, independent woman who didn't take crap from anyone...and now ?

Until I watched THE SECRET and figured out I had to do something, it took me several weeks to start:

Last week, I started to go tanning and to get in shape at "Curves" - and I religiously went there every day so far except on sunday (That's when the gym isn't open), and I walk my dogs for a mile or more almost every day (unless it's raining like it was today).

I also applied for a student loan and took my placement test in the local community college today : I am starting a certification program to become a medical biller in june, which will take only 12 weeks.

Sure, I could let my ******* of a husband pay for the college course - but then - eventually when I get divorced - I don't want him to say, that he "put me through college".

After he ****** around on me and I found out, he told me that I would get nothing out of a divorce...so why do you think, I stayed ?

This august we will be married for 2 years, and the least I want out of this Hell of a marriage is for him to pay off the car he bought for me and to get a few months of spousal support, since I gave up EVERYTHING including job, car, appartment and all of my furniture.

After all - I still have all the e-mails he sent to his "lovers" - all neatly printed from the computer and locked away in my lock-box...!!!!

My time will come - and until then, I will still be called names & disrespected...but it makes life so much sweeter to know, that I have a very bright future ahead of me with new skills for a new job.

And my friends ?

Well, I never lost them, except for the only male friend I had (Remember, the one I told you about before, he was the one I had a platonic relationship with before I met my husband). But I have gotten in contact with that old friend - and i am very appreciative, that he STILL talks to me.

Okay - enough of my story....

Your turn now, to rant and rave and even tell me, what BAD step-mom I am...but remember - I also have a step-daughter, which I have NO PROBLEMS & ISSUES whatsoever with and I also have an excellent relationship with my own daughter.

 

 

 

 

 

 

youngbackincollege youngbackincollege
41-45, F
2 Responses Apr 23, 2007

Seconded! You've been through more than my mom went through in any given time period. It took her longer to realize she needed to get out of the marriage. I'm glad you recognized where you needed to go and could recapture most if not all your former resolve to make it happen. I loved your story, and thought the pushing event was brilliant. There's one kid who seems to have decided for himself that consequences will only be verbal and only deflected from him by his father so it doesn't matter what he does. You should look forward to his false pride getting shattered when he lands his first night in jail with denied bail. Kudos to you, and may the son will hang himself on the consequences of his own actions.

Bad step-mom? Heck no. sounds like you've gone out of your way to make the situation work and finally realized that you can't ever make it work. Kudos to you for not killing evil step-son by now, must of us probably would have tried or at least booted him out. I can't imagine my son ever treating my 2nd wife like that - I would kick his ***! Good luck on new start - hope it all works out for you!