New Level To Our Conversations

After he told me about his conditions, it was important to me to treat him as close to the same as possible.  I am now aware of the "why" behind some of his actions, so can assimilate information more effectively for myself, but I didn't want to treat him differently.  He is not different, only my knowledge is different.

He has, however, begun opening up about his tactics for maintaining his disorder.  I like to hear about the tricks he uses to keep himself in check and to maintain his emotions.  He has undergone many different kinds of counseling and therapy to help him with this part of his life.  I find his true and obvious work on himself to be not only comforting, but inspiring.  He is an incredibly strong man.  And it takes a great deal of personal strength to admit to and maturely deal with such a huge part of yourself.  I try to be open to him and his needs.  To hear what he wants to tell me.  

I have known since very early in our intimate relationship that there was something different about him.  Like I've said before, I suspected a personality disorder of some sort.  Now that I know what exactly he's dealing with, I feel I have a new vocabulary for how we can function together.  I have a new understanding of what my actions might mean to him and what his actions are derived from.  I may not be 100% accurate in my assumptions, which is why I value his ability and want to communicate.  I value his personal understanding of himself and his personal need to grow beyond the limitations of his disorder.  I am comforted by his desire to seek help outside of himself to manage his symptoms.

I am grateful for this step that has been taken in our relationship.  I am grateful to play such an important character in this phase of his life.  I am grateful for the opportunity to be there for him and with him and for the opportunity to learn more about myself in his presence.  It is my hope that our relationship continues to grow and mature through this new circumstance and any others that may arise.  I feel blessed to be with such a man as he.  We all have troubles and weakness and difficulty in life.  I am inspired by the way he has taught me to look deeply into the eyes of such hardship and not back down or shy away, but take them head on without apology.  Even if our relationship is somehow short-lived, I will be forever grateful for this lesson from him.

jackson7263 jackson7263
26-30, F
1 Response Feb 7, 2010

That's inspiring. You're really articulate!