I Have Experienced Enlightenment

Sounds like you have self realised.

I'd like to hear more detail of the experience itself though to be sure?



I had some experiences as a young man that I found myself unable to come to terms with.

I threw myself into religion and religious study.

I would consider anything but believed nothing unless I could see it working for me.

I tooled about for several years making half hearted attempts untill finally I managed to garner and focus my resolve.



Strangely perhaps it was the appearance of a bright light in the sky that did it.

Being young still I often looked up into the night sky wonderingly.

One night I saw this really bright light.

At first I thought it must be a helicopter or something.

But it didn't move.

I must have watched it for twenty minutes or more.

Finally I went inside and as I left the night sky behind it occurred to me that it might be a supernovae. In my minds eye I saw an internal revolution occuring in the heart of a sun and as if in echo I felt an internal revolution occur within myself.

I felt myself turning from the deepest seat of consciousness.

I now felt totally focused on acheiving enlightenment.

I knew nothing would stop me from discovering the truth.

The following night suprnovae 87-88 was reported on the news, the first supernovae to be visible to the naked eye since the 1500's when the visions of Zosimos came into being.



I finally found a meditative teqnique that really worked for me.

Within perhaps a month I managed to maintain a meditative state overnight.

Then over a few days, a week, a month or more.

I felt I had enough control and understanding of my brain function to attempt it.

Looking back it's seems the most minimal level of control and understanding, but nothing was going to stop me.

I went on a fast, some five days it lasted before my mother rang her doctor and convinced him to have me hospitalized.

But after that I knew, I no longer even sought it.

It was as though I was being drawn irrevocably toward enlightenment by gravity itself.

It took maybe a month, the whole period has an almost surreal quality to it.

As it got close I started to feel a sense of trepidation and on the night a powerfull sense of dread.

I left a friends house and looking up into the night sky had a vision.

I saw what I have read described as the Kundalini.

A great serpent made of pale light writhed turning this way and that as though seeking something and upon it's head rested a great darkness that it seemed to be unaware of.



At this point I should say that during my meditative experiences I had become aware of gravitational tidal forces. If you consider that the moon moves the entire ocean it is only sensible that it moves us also. Anyway being so aware I sought for more subtle tidal forces and thought I could sense several.



Back to the night, as I walked from one friends house to anothers I considered my vision of the kundalini and it's unknown burden.

As I approached my friends door I thought I saw the trick to it. Again as I left the night sky behind, crossing the threshold I felt a snap, as if my foot had caught, my ankle broken and also as though my head severed from my body now floated free.

I was astonished by the abruptness of the awareness.

I said hello to my friend who was sitting in near dark playing his guitar.

I sat down enraptured.

My friend continued to play his guitar.

I was thankfull he did not want to talk.

I experienced a succession of further really quite painfull seperations as though my body was being destroyed by increments.

Finally I arrived at a state where only small particles of myself any longer existed and even those continued to crackle and pop.

I felt as though I had been entirely eliminated that there was only this vast universe.

It seemed as though my mind had expanded to comprehend the whole of the galaxy, aware of it's dark heart in which the remains of myself burned.

This was a brutal and exquisite sense of reality.

Finally even the smallest particles of myself ceased and I became aware of a sense of absolute nothing, a sense of void so profound that no orientation seemed possible.

I was utterly spent and having no will with which to go on I felt myself lifted up and a rudimentry form asserted itself.

For barely a moment I felt comforted by that untill the process began all over again.

To say it was painfull would be like comparing a drop of water to the ocean.

My world was pain, the universe was pain.

Again I felt myself lifted up.

Again as though through no volition of my own form reasserted itself.

More complex this time.

I did not take comfort.

I tried to understand what I was seeing.

But again I felt myself utterly destroyed.

Over and over the process repeated.

Each time the form more complex and the grasp more tenuous.

I reached a point where I could no longer even sustain the drive to comprehend but found myself driven to know regardless.

Over and over, created only to be destroyed.

Finally I felt the process was drawing to a close.

I said good night to my friend and retired.

Returning home and to sleep I dreampt only of a light to bright in the sky.



For me this process became my life and I found myself experiencing states of blissfull awareness of profound truths and profound debasement in the face of internal errors I seemed incapable of overcoming.



It's been twenty five years and the process continues.

I seek it with every bit of strength I know and flee it in my weakness.

Trying hard to stop kicking and screaming my way through life -- in my mind -- seems I barely grasp what IS and then lose myself under the powerful influence of my wounded current ego. I hope to reach the point of peace as armor and transform away from the fearful bitter personality that tries to run my life so often.

I do seek to know what is ... so maybe stopping the seeking is what I should do? But seek and you'll find is true... isn't it? Maybe I need to learn to be okay with the fact that there's always a catch 22 and it's all okay. I would love to talk of and learn about enlightenment whenever the occasions arise.

"When we perceive from an undivided consciousness, we will find the sacred in every expression of life." -Adyashanti



Everything we see and experience, every song and story, painting, film express the same truth. It is all we see and hear.

It is true that there would be no way to recognise a person who has experienced enlightenment as in many ways you remain unchanged. From my perspective enlightenment is not a process of becoming stable but realising that at our core - the observer or spirit - we are already stable and at peace. I still have an ego that is unstable but I am not as concerned or attached to it now.



During the moment of enlightenment and the days before and after I felt great awareness - acute awareness of everything around me but then a bigger awareness of all things.



For me, I could have remained very stable in that state if I lived a quieter, slower life. My instinct is that as a busy mother I had to step slightly back to the ego. It may be that I will learn to be fully in the light eventually.



From my experiences I have things that I now believe with absolute certainty (and this is no small thing as although I have always sought wisdom and peace I have spent most of my life as a skeptical academic). I believe that love is our uniting force, that fear can be abandoned and that all we need is awareness, I believe all that laws of nature and consequence apply and are necessary for us to take any action.



I have read that enlightenment described as a giving up of the search and I think there is truth in that - it is finding acceptance of all things and for me it felt like a bringing together of every thread of knowledge and experience I have in a way that no thread conflicted with any other.



I am so truly grateful to see the beauty of ourselves and our world. We are all so alike - we all are seeking and channeling the same love even if it does not appear that way.