The Hand

This is a very strange story. One I'm not sure even I quite understand. I wonder if anyone else has experienced something like this. It's now two stories because something else just happened before I logged on. Whether it's a "vision," sixth sense, or just coincidence, I don't know, but here is the first story.
I'll try and be brief with this part. About 4-weeks ago, I was in the depths of despair, after a break up with the man I love. The intense heartache had gone into its sixth week, and in that week, I literally felt like I was dying. My strength had left me to the point that even to sit in a chair was too much. I was drained, and could not climb out of bed until 6-7 pm at night. It was just a terrible time.
I have been through terrible times before, many times, but this pain I felt was extremely intense. A pain I had not felt in some years.
During these days, I started to feel a sense of something. I didn't know what it was, and I was too far gone in depression to even care. I ignored it, but as the days went on, the sense became stronger. It was located above, and in front of my forehead, just above my head, at first, and then as time passed, it came down lower, just above my eyebrows, or so I sensed it to be. As time passed the sense grew stronger, and then I could see what it was. Not with my eyes, but I could see it in my head, and it was right there above my head. It was a hand, reaching down from God knows where. All I sensed and saw was a hand, with the fingers close to my forehead. And the sense became a message. It was telling me to reach up and grab the hand so that it could pull me up. Pull me up to where? I had no clue, so I kept ignoring it because for one thing I did not know what it was.
The weeks passed, and my heartache became almost unbearable, and the "damn" hand would not go away, in fact it started to come down lower toward my eyes. Eventually, I said, NO! Not knowing who I was talking to. I started to think that someone was coming into my life, maybe even my love would come back, or someone else who could help me get through this pain. Then at the end of the sixth week, after I had turned a corner in my healing process, I just basically said, "whatever," and I reached up and grabbed the hand, which wasn't really there in a physical sense, but I raised my arm anyway, and said something like pull me up.
It is now some weeks later, and I have not seen the hand, or felt any sense of a message. In fact, I forgot about it, until yesterday, when it came to me, how these last two weeks I've had such a peace within me that I have not felt in decades, and it's due to me coming across a Zen Buddhist monk, who inspired me greatly to incorporate Buddhist practices in my every day life. It's not just the "formal meditation," I am doing daily, but I incorporate the teachings all day long into my activities and thinking. It has now become part of my life, and the way I live. So yesterday when I realized this, I thought about the hand, and only then became aware that I had not sensed it since I reached out to it, and it was within that week that I first came across the man, I now call my spiritual guide.
I asked myself, "Is this it?" "Is this what all that was about?" And, the answer came immediately...yes.
Earlier tonight before I logged on, I was meditating in a new way. I think it was the Dali Lama who wrote about this. I read it today, and practiced it tonight....and during that time, I sensed and saw something else above my eyes, and in front of my head...but that is my next story...which actually involves an EP I will get on and write that one now.
I don't have an explanation for this. 

*It is now 3-months later, and I do have an explanation for it. This was just not the beginning of coming to Buddhism, this also brought me back to God...not right away...but between this happening, and now October 20th 2012, I found God again. I never thought I would ever believe in God again, but it just became a natural thing leading to another. I did not go back to my Christian roots, but to Hinduism...the One divided into the many. It's all the same God, anyway, no matter what religion you are. We just give God different names, but Brahmin is beyond words, time and space.*
Carissimi Carissimi
56-60, F
2 Responses Oct 20, 2012

well im glad you are in peace and feeling better and as you know im also with detente issues with religion so im just relieve that you believe in everyway that is all that matters...

Thanks Joseph. What does detente mean? How are you? And how is your son now? Doing well, I hope.

it means that i practice in safe side not to agree or dis agree because for me religion is really a complex issue and detente is the relaxation of strained relations or tensions (as between nations); also: a policy promoting this son is having regular monthly check up and next year i will be home Cari...Advance Happy Thanksgiving Day

That is a wonderful story! So glad you found peace I know that feeling of pain all too well after a break up. You feel like you will never smile again!

Thanks so much for reading and response. I still feel pain, but manage it/tolerate it better. I know if I meditated more, it would lessen. I need to find a Sangha (fellowship) to help even more.