My Name

i would like to say that i came up with it on my own, but i really don't believe myself clever enough for that. i don't remember the exact circumstances, but i know that the name was given to me, by god or whatever you want to call it, as a reminder of my true nature. while i am divine in essence, i recognize that I am not the totality of divinity.

so when i was younger, i decided to tattoo the name on myself, as a constant visual reminder of who i am and what i should be doing. but this world is harsh and unforgiving, especially to a girl with a heart as unguarded as mine, and soon the tattoo became just another pretty picture. i made up a story, so when people asked me about it, i wouldn't come off as some religious weirdo who was going to try to convert them. i hid the truest part of myself to fit in, to make others more comfortable, and, slowly but surely, i lost my entire sense of self.

but i've come to a point in my life where i don't really care about the comfort of others too much. like a wise man once said, i gotta be me. and i'm starting with my name. i want it back! i want to be dyvynyty again, to know and to feel the divine structure of the universe like i used to, to feel open-hearted compassion and love again, to feel my oneness with all creation again. and i don't care if people think i'm weird, or talk about me behind their hands, or attempt to avoid me altogether. i don't think true divine love should give a squat about social niceties, because i've come to believe that most social structures were created simply to enforce the erroneous idea of separateness. and if i make people uncomfortable, then maybe they need to be uncomfortable. this world needs to feel lots of things, uncomfortable being the least of them.

it's difficult getting back, however. i've spent ten years wandering in my own personal desert, and i've lost all my guides along the way. i'm spiritually and mentally weak, but the spirits of divisiveness and destruction are stronger than ever. i don't the snap i used to have, or the energy, or the time. all i have is my will to be...dyvynyty.

dyvynyty dyvynyty
31-35, F
2 Responses Jul 4, 2010

you seem to have missed the entire point of my story.

Its not that hard to find God. He's been there all along. Just call.