Post

Leadership

I think the universe is trying to teach me a lesson. At least it feels like a boulder has been put in front of me blocking me from making any forward progress. It appears that my relationships in all facets of my life are blowing up and life is becoming extremely unsatisfying.

I was thinking I need a change but it is hard to change everything. Tentacles reach deep into the earth in spots that are hard to retract. Changing "things" is not going to be the answer, I think is what is being taught, if I were to put on the Universe hat. It is me that needs to change.

You see, a lot of my issues seem to stem from communication, expectations. People expect me to respond in a certain way. It was easier before; when the stakes were low, when the situations were less risky; to be accomodating. To be able to come to an amicable understanding where both parties were happy. To take a chance.

When its late in the game, when decisions made can win or lose with no way to turn back, when it is not always in the best interest of those involved to spend a lot of time exploring paths and solutions; that is where my skills seem to break down. You see, I am a great collaborator; a wonderous purveyor of mirth and joyous good times, a staunch ally. but put me in the smoke-filled back room with lives on the line, with a future at stake, with adversaries or alliancs peering intently and ........ well that is where I am.

What I need to be is the stick not the puck. David Letterman not Paul Shaeffer. Batman not Robin. Sheldon not Kuthrapolly. Stewie not Brian.

A leader not a sidekick.

Please add more leader vs sidekick comparisons so it sinks in more for me.
geetar39 geetar39 46-50, M 18 Responses Dec 1, 2012

Your Response

Cancel

I assume you've solved this problem and will continue to meet my expectations - That's how leadership sounds.

Pain in the *** isn't it? ;)

Yeah figured this one out. Was in the smoke-filled room but smokin' the wrong stuff. All fixed now.

Ah the pure life ...
Congratulations on the promotion ;)

Put yourself out there is most terrifying when you actually care. Being fluid and performing, compromising and letting yourself cut down the weight of your opinion or thought just to make everything calm. Balanced and pleasant. The most alive I feel is when I let myself go. By letting myself go I mean my brain my heart and what I deep down want to go after.

It's harder to be alone behind one thing because it means trusting yourself in a way that you can bear exposing you want something and risk not "winning."

Interesting perspective. I also feel most alive when I let myself go, when I let expectations fall away and just be the experience. However, it is hard not to start the day propelled by goals and desires. Mine, others. Releasing them is freeing but they never go away. I aspire to lead which is why I am where I am.
Thanks for responding!!

Aspiring to lead takes away the instinctual part of it. What does leading mean? For some reason...to me...being a leader means letting no end goal or specific thing determine whether you are a success or failure. Experiencing and engaging with the world and letting others see how freeing being able to lead your own life is (without trying to force it)

I understand what you are saying.
My issue though is more with the way others are reacting to me. What worked in the past is not generating the same responses. Stepping into the leader role more definitively and, yes without trying to force it but rather acknowleding it and going with it is the point. You are very perceptive. Cheers.

I think that you know what you need to do already because you simply don't have a choice and that kind of bothers you...too much responsibility, perhaps? And because you haven't done it yet that's when you ask so many questions, thinking, hmmm...I don't want to make any silly mistakes because I can't afford them anymore, the game is on and the score is reaching the match point for your opponent...you are the stick and puck at the same time. It's all up to you. You don't have to change yourself at all, just maybe, don't be afraid to make decisions of your own, no worries, they are all yours and all about you, use your own way only to respond to people to understand yourself, otherwise it can get pretty confusing; and as long as you feel unsatisfied with yourself, which is heathy, the game will never reach the end, unless you refuse to stop learning...I wish you all the best!

Thanks for the comments. Good points. Inciteful. I'll think on this a bit more. Cheers

Feeling for you, my friend. I know you wrote this awhile ago...

Thanks. I am getting more comfortable in my leader skin.

Leader and follower are very limited terms. A leader is not a leader because he refuses to follow anyone, and following someone does not automatically mean you're not a leader.

Instead, you need to focus not on being the stick or on being the puck, but as Gretzky says you need to focus on where the puck is going. Otherwise you'll forever be chasing the puck when you need to get there before it does to really control it...

Thanks. Good analogy. I use that one too sometimes ... 'skate to where the puck is going to be' I agree that in some situations leadership is not necessarily the guy in front of the pack.

Interesting thoughts about leader and follower...it truly depends who sees you as a leader or a follower, it's not the actions what they do but the actions we allow to ourselves to be noticed by us....

You want to be The Lone Ranger, not Tonto???
(I hear 'Tonto' is native american for 'stupid' anyway....don't be him)

This story reeks of my past two years....truly....it was I who needed to change, not my surroundings and situations.....I hope you were able to make the necessary changes and move toward the peace and contentment that you sought....
Expectations will often let us down, whether it's others' expectations of us, or some that we may have of them....I try not to have them any more...other than the basic 'I expect honesty and respect from you' type of thing....
Best wishes to you! :)

Thanks for commenting. Yeah I think I am feeling the change. Like Popeye said ' I yam who I yam'. I don't stress over the decisions as much. Just do it. Others will push back but it is ok. Not really a leader vs follower thing but being more decisive about what I think is the right thing to do is actually working ok in some areas.

it sounds like you received a lesson that takes YEARS to receive for many. it is so true....we CANNOT change everything around us, we can only be the change we want to see.

I think it is still taking me years. The old habits/patterns are so easy to fall back in to that sometimes you don't even notice yourself falling.

You sound like u fall in the dreamer/thinker category. U could see all aspects of any situation ... Unless it involves u ;)

Very perceptive Myztikal. Thanks for reading and commenting. Any advice?

It sounds like u know what u want - rather, knew what u wanted. But as u started towards ur goal, "the boulder" is the obstacle.

There's a piece here that I try very hard to explain to people. Sometimes I hit the nail on the head; other times, I fail.

As we travel through life, we have an idea where we wanna be; who we wanna be. At the very least, we have concocted a list of things we *dont* wanna be, right?

For those who set off on a path and invest time, money, sacrifices for a goal, they feel the ends will justify the means. It will all pan out in the end, right?

Enter the phrase about people coming into our lives for various lengths of stays for various reasons, right?

The piece that is overlooked, the tidbit that makes it make sense, the pebble that monkey wrenched your plans - the same is said of a situation. People will say "I went through what I did to become the person I am today."

*But* often, it's still missed that when a "boulder" or obstacle is put in your path, it's to deviate u from the direct path. You are meant to gain some other insight, learn something else, or something else is waiting for u to discover it that it necessary for your journey to continue.

Too often, we want a goal, we see a goal - and we run towards it. Obstacles make sure we are well rounded and prepared for the trophy, so to speak.

In your words, to seek for inner peace, u need to rediscover yourself and reason for the journey u are on. Obviously, something is amiss. Even though people have stood by you and may feel anxious or disappointed if your plans change, allowing them to control your destiny or pace of your destiny will, in essence, destroy what and who you need to be for the destiny.

Events happen to keep our minds open. As life changes, people change, we change - to follow this analogy. Our end goal can change. But we take what we know, learn, and we're ready to open our minds to embrace it - all the while being the best fit for it.

I don't think you're sitting second best. I think u just know you're missing something and being cautious, perhap timid if u do know what it is or what u have to do differently.

Wow I must say that that is some of the best advice I have received on here. It could very well be that I need to change direction. At least the status quo is not making the boulder any smaller. I appreciate you taking the time to respond so thoughtfully. Cheers!

Im happy if it made sense to you. The inner peace and strength within us guides us as events, people, circumstances change.

If u had ever seen the movie Field of Dreams- remember the Dr who wanted to play ball? He only played one season and gave it up? He let go of that dream to be a doctor. In the end, he saved the little girl, as well.

We can have a handful of dreams or a thousand. If we are observant enough, we can have pieces of them come true.

Regrettably, we miss the little things for the big picture.

Great analogy to drive it home.
Sorting out the dreams is the hard part. I tend to get distracted too easily by shiny pretty objects.
I am curious how you came to acquire such clarity of purpose. Hopefully it came easily.

I "live" how I describe this to people.

I strive to keep my inner peace.
I watch for opportunities.
I sieze chances to learn things and meet people.
Im careful about not speading myself too thin that I will miss the little things.
I value my relationships with my friends and family.
Some of us are more intuned with the "flow of the universe" (as one very insightful man, I'll call him X, calls it) then others.
It does become a mindless balancing act to have goals but do not ever neglect the little shiny objects along the way that brings value to ourselves and our goals.

As X would say, "too many fight the flow."

3 More Responses

The needle not the thread? I sew.

LOL! Yeah good one.

Spongebob rather than Patrick? Um ... yes, I see what you mean ... I think. I'm at a bit of a crossroad junction too right now. My solution is to pull up a rock and sit down for a while to see which way I want to go. No rushing these things.

Patrick is a leader in his own way. Yeah I am not good at rushing either but I do think too much. Thanks for commenting.

Peter Pan and Tinkerbell. Who can faerie better compare it to? Or Harry and Ron... tho I think it's more of Harry and Voldemort: "For Neither Can Live While the Other Survives".

There really is nothing wrong with being the instigator, and you're good at that. What you need to learn is follow through. Perhaps it is why the inner peace seems to evade from you. Any new beginnings are exciting; but it likewise involves hard work, aches, and woes. We need to be able to stick through those with the same attitude we had at the beginning... when YoU had at the beginning. Else, we fall short of finishing what we've started. Hence, you think it's blocking you... but really, Gee... it's only telling you to jump higher.

Peter Pan. Yes.
Follow thru. I am not sure I get you. I tend to keep following through well past the end of the game. I think. Please explain. It feels like my position is different and I don't quite know what to do.

Quote: "... but put me in the smoke-filled back room with lives on the line, with a future at stake, with adversaries or alliancs peering intently and ........"

Follow through is finishing all the way,
- regardless when there's smoke or not (is it pot tho? *joins you*),
- or whether there is future on it or not (doubt there isn't because you saw a vision beforehand, else you won't collaborate),
- or when there are new allies or sprouting adversaries.
Follow through is reading the chapter all the way to the next one. We don't chicken out just because of smoke, or untold future, or adversaries.

Ba-gawk! ;P

We're all learning...all the time. I think that is part of what this thing called life is all about! I read this thru a couple of times....

I love the fact that you see a change is needed in YOU! I think that makes you halfway thru to curing your own thoughts.....Cause non of us ever really change another....We can only evaluate and change ourselves.

I think you know exactly who you are but are sort of at the crossroads of finding who you want to become and who you want with you on the rest of this life journey we're all on. Some folks get so caught up in viewing who they once were or who the folks around them are they forget to double check on their current position in life..... That can be a HUGE boulder to get stuck behind or even end up under....

You know you're a leader and not a follower so you might just need to sort thru the folks and feelings that get in the way of your leading YOU to where you want to be.

You're one of the most "solid" peeps in here.... I read some things and wonder if I am reading about smoke and mirrors but with you, I always come away feeling like I just caught sight of the real deal.... I have no doubt that you will find your way thru this. I think it says a LOT about who you are that you can express it all so openly and well and still keep some fun in the words...

Self awareness and forward progression....it does suck like a vampire sometimes but it usually takes ya some place better... even if it doesn't feel that way while we are making the trip thru to a new place...

I coulda been huge Sierra. I coulda been somebody. Instead of a bum which is what I am, lets face it. I coulda been a contender. Instead I got a one way ticket to Palookaville. :-)

Nope..I don't believe it for one second... If you're a bum then the planet could use a lot more of you.... Armani suits with fancy plaques on the walls and bank accounts and all that materialistic stuff never measures a persons true worth.... It's the mark they leave on others thru words and actions that tell the real tale....and give the real measurement of who that person is...
........and..... don't be dissin on Palookaville......I was born and raised there and still live there today!! I'm darn proud of my lil neighborhood!! :D

Psssst that was a quote btw. Marlon Brando.

Marlon who??? Just kidding..... :D

1 More Response

It's like the universe is giving me two choices. Lose,or lose badly. What is clear is that I can neither fix, nor rebuild my life on a foundation of fear and regret. It appears however to be rather difficult to let those things go. If you figure it out, let me know.

Axl Rose not Slash?...(although that could be debated) haha
I loved reading this because I can relate to it, although under different circumstances.
When I'm totally frustrated by life and everything that goes with it, I basically throw up my hands and Go with the Flow...let the chips fall,... and all that. Simple advice, but I think there's some merit to it.

Axl, pre hair extensions/tupee. Of course. I love the Hair of the Dog version he did though. I can be Slash tho. I wouldn't mind. I would love to Go with the Flow but mine is stuck behind a boulder.
(Glad you liked reading this and can relate).

The Skipper and Gilligan?

Yeah how could I miss that one. Although Gilligan has a better chance with MaryAnne I think. The Skipper would probably be fixated on Ginger and never even realize the happiness that MaryAnne would bring. Ahhhh MaryAnne where are you?

I dont think we always have to do anything .. although doing nothing is of course a choice.
I think we have to maybe set our sails in a certain direction but sometimes the best change can come by waiting till a storm has died down and then seeing the best way forward. (gone all sailing analagied)

I agree. I've tried tying up and laying anchor. The storm is getting stronger. I need a bigger boat. Oh and some wenches. Wenches would be good.

LOL .. maybe you need a smaller boat.
Take the yawl.

ONG!!
I have just realised what a wench is!!
I though it was some kind of big spanner!!

Wenches? Next thing will be the animals coming on two by two and you'll need an ark....which leads to a deluge and flood....yes, def take the smaller boat ;-)

Yawl come back now ya hear. :-)
Maybe I do need a smaller boat but some people would need to go in the water.

Why do battle in the high seas at all, why not just swim to shore and have a gentle snooze?

I would still need wenches. :-) Ok Chewbacca could be one of the hairier presidents. Maybe one of the ones with mutton chops. If we are talking Prime Ministers he would definitely be Jean Chretian for his voice.

4 More Responses

Ah yes. The universe is always speaking to us in eloquent ways...sometimes in subtle whispers and sometimes in roars accompanied by boulders. And I believe you are right in your assessment that the change has to come in you. That's what we all need to understand. People who get stuck in the mode of blaming others, insisting that others change, bemoaning their victimhood, will continue to get increasingly loud messages until they feel like earthquakes!

Hans Solo rather than Chewbacca?

Screw the Universe. Maybe the Universe has a communication problem. Maybe it needs to be more direct.

I like Chewbacca

I like him too....but his grunts aren't exactly great communication....well....I guess sometimes they are, but liable to be misinterpreted,, ;-)

Who is Chewbacca?

*GASP*

@Datura, yeah I see the analogy. Perfect fit.

Spose its one of your Presidents or something

@Geetar...I always knew Tas must have lead a sheltered life, but this proves it for sure.

I wonder what she thinks Han Solo means? I betcha I can guess. :-)
@Tas - you are cute.

hahahaha....Hands Solo....hahahahahahaaa......

BASTARDS BOLLECK heads both of yous!!!
I am going to Google chewbackie and Hans solo and get all up to date with both of them!!
Feck off!!!!!

....and The Universe descended upon them as an Orange whirlwind and sizable boulders rained upon their heads....

Ahhh Pirate lingo. Arrrrrrr (2D2). I think she will see the light (saber) soon enough and we can offer her a Lei (-a) and some rum for her island and we can all look up at the (death) stars and see (3PO) if there we can find the big dipper.

Hopefully we wont find the big dipper with our han solos. :-)

Feck off!!

Well done, Geetar. Well done.

*ducks orange boulder*

12 More Responses

Sponge Bob vs Patric

LOL Good one.