I Don't Even Wnat My Boyfriend to Look At Me

I've never liked how I looked, even when I was 7 years old. I had an accident a long time ago, and I broke my nose during this accident. Now I have a big bump on my nose. Kids used to call me a witch. Now I hate when people look at me, I hate my body, my face everything. I'm very shy too, and my dad hits me I always have marks on my body.

I tell my boyfriend that I hate my body and that I feel uncomfortable when he looks at me, and that I don't believe him when he says I'm beautiful. It affects our relationship. I love him and don't wanna lose him, but I get jealous really easily. I hate watching tv because when I see beautiful girls I get really depressed. I'm so jealous and I try to lose weight but it's so hard.

I really wanna die, I feel like I have no place in this world.

I hate myself.

Elyy Elyy
18-21, F
4 Responses Jan 4, 2008

Please dont say that you want to die. What would it help if you died? Your boyfriend would get depressed. I would read about another sad story of some poor girl committing suscide and have to go through another LONG and BORING talk with my mom about this kinds of stuff. So, if for no one else but me and all the other poor kids who would have to go through those talks, please dont even consider doing anything like that.<br />
<br />
ps. all that other stuff shouldnt matter if you love someone and they love you.<br />
<br />
pss. this is one of my first comments so if it turns out as wierd as I fear it might just delete it.

You know your lucky to have someone out there who says you are beutiful, now you have to say it to yourself more and then the world will change, if you keep telling yourself that your ugly you are the one who is hurting yourself more than your father, You have a beautigful body I have no idea how many times you have been hurt, but so far it has managed to heal itself it wants to go on living, it wants to exist as you. Be glad that you do not have some scary disease where youre body is just falling apart. Live for it, you are really lucky, so stand up and like the past comments have said just hang in there believe in yourself and get yourself an education so that you can free yourself and be able to defend yourself without physically abusing others like they did to you. Use your head.

i know exactly how you feel, i know people say they know how you feel to make yoo feel better but i do know. a part form the boyfriend bit you and i have similar problems.. <br />
i hate myself just as much, im so behind with my education because of my self image probems. but please you have to listen when people tell you youir beautiful, ignore the man who only hurts you, i know thats impossible but remember he might have been half resonsible for making you but that doesnt make him a father. believe in yourself, go where you want to go in life and dont let someone who only wants to hurt you stop you. mail me if you like, im here if you need to talk.<br />
<br />

im sorry to say, but your father is a creep. is there someplace else you could live? someone else you could live with?<br />
<br />
my story from when i was your age, was that i was not a wanted kid. and i felt like i didnt have a place in the world either. then one day when i was much older, i realized- im here NOW. doesnt matter how i got here or if my parents like it. im going to MAKE my place in the world. (my father was even long dead before i figured this out)<br />
<br />
get good grades and get yourself to college, elyy. its your ticket to wherever you want to go.