Don't Know How To Get Past Being Insecure...

I have always been self conscious my whole life. I went through foster care after my parents practically deserted me. So I was already on the mind set of "why am I not loved? What is wrong with me?" Foster Care only taught me that I was nothing but dirt and never worthy of things that other "normal" children were. Even basic necessities. I grew up with anxiety problems towards food. I still to this day at 21 can't go through a drive through by myself, cannot eat in public, cannot go to a grocery store by myself. As stupid as it seems I feel like being seen eating or buying food that other people look at me and think I do not deserve it. Its hard to get over so I push myself into doing the things that scare me little by little. Slowly making progress. I have always been self conscious about my size because I have always been very small since birth. I have been teased from it. Then getting to know my real family again can be hard because my sisters tend to put me down saying that I don't have the boobs one has or the butt another one has. Yes I know its because they are jealous of the features I do have and they are trying to make themselves feel better about their own insecurities but it still hurts. I still cannot go out in a bikini size 00 or not. I have never worn a skirt or a dress willingly. I was the kid that always preferred jackets and long sleeved shirts in the middle of summer no matter how hot it was because I was too afraid to take it off....Does anyone have any tips to get over some of these problems???
missangelachristine missangelachristine
18-21, F
1 Response Apr 6, 2011

I don't know if you still check this, or if insecurity is still a struggle for you. Growing up in the system can definitely exaggerate feelings of worthlessness because there are so many underlying issues...being abandoned, bounced around, etc. I just want you to know that you are worthy of love and belonging. I realize that you may not believe that, but it is so very very true. There are some incredible resources out there to help affirm who you really are. You could start with checking out Brene Brown's talk about the power of vulnerability. It's free to watch, and it's wonderful. Best of luck and love to you.