Perfection

I have a realistic and reasonable concept of beauty when it comes to other people, but not myself.

Growing up I was never the most beautiful girl within my group of friends, and this bothered me. Even my parents were and continue to be very attractive people, and always stressed appearance. Beauty was something you were born with, and it offered you an incredible advantage. My best friend was a beautiful dancer, and she was always showered with attention and affection, and had everything handed to her. Why is beauty always equated with 'goodness'?

I have always been a smart girl, doing very well in school, and as I have gotten older the more important this has become to me. If I couldn't be known as the beauty then I would be known for something- being the brains. I graduate this year with a Bachelor of Science degree in Biopsychology and I hope to go into Medicine.

Unfortunately it still angers me that I am not 'gorgeous'. How stupid. I strive for perfection in every aspect of my life, and although I know that I am not ugly, the pain that I feel about my appearance holds me back. I am of average height and weight (5'6 and about 135) with green eyes and brown hair. I spend hours every morning doing my hair and makeup and selecting an outfit. I refuse to answer the door or leave the house without being 'done up'. I avoid cameras at all costs, and haven't had a new picture taken of me in a while. And I know that I am not 'ugly'...

It doesn't help that I am single and in my early 20s. I haven't gotten serious attention from a decent guy in a long time...