My Self Destruction

Around 2000 I had a major self destruction. I was attending a great university and I kept having issues with my father. He always put so much pressure on me to be perfect and would always threaten me if I didnt meet up to his expectations. I would get these threats about 3 times a week. So here I am at a top 10 engineering program and I got up to a point where I just didnt care anymore. My father had been at my throat since I was a freshman at college. I was trying to turn around and be a better person, than I was before, but that didnt matter to him, all that mattered was that my GPA stay high so he could brag to everyone else...

Well in November 2000, I said "**** IT." I let my anger get a hold of me and I quit school. I then took a trip to see my girlfriend at the time and she pretty much used me and threw me to the curb. My dad got a letter from school while I was away saying that I bombed all my classes. I didnt care and he was p*ssed. So here I was stuck at home at 19 and p*ssed off at the world. Dad said I had two weeks to get a job or else. Well I got a bad *** job working for the Pentagon 3 days later and that really p*ssed him off. I left home that January and pretty much disppeared for 3 years and in the process of all of this I lost my soul due to all the work I did at the goverment.

My father always used money against me. If I wanted to do something he didnt approve of, he would cut me off. He helped me pay for half of my first car, but the title was in his name. So when I wanted to go to DC he said, "you aint taking my car." So I went out and bought a brand new $35000 car myself on my own. Another big "F U" to Dad. Although the car payments SUCKED I was happy. Probably wasnt the smartest thing I did, but I have no regrets. I still love my car. Anways, I knew at this young age, FREEDOM = MONEY. If you have no money, you cant do anything (or at least the things I wanted to do). I wish I wasnt so angry during those years. I wasted alot of money self medicating my guilt and my anger. I look back and all the money I made is almost gone and I have nothing to show for it...

Oh well, thats life...I do know that I will NEVER self destruct on my own family. But then again, I wont manipulate them with money like my father did to and learn

Silver01ta Silver01ta
36-40, M
Apr 14, 2008