It Has Always Been So Normal To Me.

Since I was a little 5 year old child.

It started as simple nail biting, which then developed into skin biting. Gross, sort of. In some years, I managed to stop it - I didnt want to end like my father, half of his nails chewed off forever - but the minor destructive behavior was still there. I felt a urge, a need to do something like what I was so used to.

Then, I caught myself with scissors. And ended up cutting my feets skin off. I was amazed because it didnt hurt at all, so I kept doing it, as long as it didnt hurt. Sometimes Id stick an occasional needle on them and just walk around my room.

I destroyed my feets skin. It lost sensibility, kinda, and its all thick now. I also started to pick the skin of my fingers, near the nails, and even the nails itself - it wasnt always that i could sit and feed my little obsession.

This lasts until today. But it has worsen.

Ive picked my thumbs skin to half the whole finger, sorry by the weird wording, to the point of bleeding. I now also just get a blind razor and pick at any imperfection i find. Including my face. And my lips. Ive lost the count of times my lips started to bleed, a lot..

I had two cutting sessions due to some hard dumb phases. But only superficial cuts, nothing too scandalous. It was because of the pain. Im a whiny whit that cant take too much pain, even though sometimes i enjoy it...

Ive taken a liking to blood. And i feel like this low pain resistance is whats keeping me from myself.
DionStrifer DionStrifer
Sep 22, 2012