Through and Through
I am told this, even when I don't see it in myself. I was told by someone close to me the other day that they know that I am feeling unfulfilled in my career at present and I asked how, and they responded that it was due to my self destructive behaviour- that once my job looses that sparkle of newness, I become self destructive.
I have used eating disorders and a lot of immoral behaviour in my past also to contribute to this - promiscuity, anger, shutting myself off, alcohol, compulsive shopping for things I never wanted, starvation and overdosing. A lot of this I have cut back on but seem to have replaced with this internal self destruction- this need to destroy my inner mental state. What I have I should be thankful for, not destroying myself over.