I Always Turn To Self Destruction

I have come to the realisation that whenever I find some kind of happiness in my life, I end up pushing it away.

It feels like I am programmed to do this time and time again.
Wether it is being happy with life in general, at work, or in a relationship.. I always end up ruining it some how.

If I become happy in life, I end up crashing.

I'm getting sick of this now.

I don't want to ruin my relationship with my partner because that is currently the only good thing I have left now, and if I ruin that I feel that my self destruction will win.
pedross pedross
22-25, M
Jan 22, 2013