I Want to Sabotage My Daughter's Wedding

You will hate me for this, but I secretly want to sabotage my daughter's wedding. I am feeling terrible for even thinking this. I love my daughter so so so so much, but we have had a pretty strained relationship in the past.

I am on the verge of getting another divorce and my daughter called me up two months ago to announce that she's getting married. I immediately made this a reason to leave my home and fly to my daughter to help her out.

Her fiance is nice and everything but something bout him is just not right. I have met his family, and found that he too came from a broken one. He has three younger brothers and a single mom. I have formed a friendship with his mom, and I think they're wonderful...


My daughter's fiancee is currently helping to support his family and mom, and I don't think my daughter would have a very happy married life with his entire family clinging to him.

I have not told my daughter about my marriage going into shambles right now because I don't want to ruin all the excitement, but she's my only child and I want to be with her at this moment and Ive always dreamed for this to be a happy time for both of us, but its not!

I can't help but feel more hurt when ever I help out with the wedding planning. It reminds me of something I am about to lose -- my daughter and my marriage -- and I am more hurt that she notices her future mother in law being more excited and helpful in the whole process.

The whole wedding planning is bringing her and her mother in law closer than me and her.

I am feeling jealous and hurt and cynical and lonely.

motherinlawfromhell motherinlawfromhell
18 Responses Apr 21, 2008

I'm actually working on a project that is looking for people that oppose other people's marriages- if anyone is interested in hearing more please send me a message! This sounds like a really rough position to be in! My daughters are babies, but the thought of them marrying someone wrong for them is terrifying!

I once read that weddings are more like funerals and funerals more like weddings. Because you are aware of your feelings you can make choices. Try to become more involved in your daughter's wedding. You are not probably going to change her mind. She is in love and that usually means she sees only the good characteristics of this young man. Basically we all come from families with blemishes and scars and even if she should leave this one I doubt you would like the next one. What you do not like is being alone with you. That is what you can work on. Working on your relationsip with yourself is difficult, challenging, rewarding and life changing. It may be that this experience is the best one for you and your daughter.

Dont do anything to sabotage it!!! You'll regret it forever and she'll only feeel more hurt and pull even farther away from you. (and by the way, if she has an account on here like you do, she might not be to happy to see your story....)

You are an unpleasant, and bitter woman.<br />
Your daughter will soon come to see this.<br />
You have failed her as you have failed in everything else.

You are SOME PIECE OF WORK lady! thats for sure. <br />
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Your thinking is all over the place. Your choices have been so good - what makes you think you can properly judge her and her fiance? <br />
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Leave your daughter be if you can be a support - let her make her own happiness (or misery if it's mistake) - you seem to be a destructive force. I strongly recommend YOU go find a good psychotherapist. You have a lot of work to do on YOU - WOW.

A) Misery loves company...someone once told me when I got divorced as she was getting divorced oh now we both can be miserable!! Ask yourself are you narcissistic or have an issue with controlling others....<br />
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Let your daughter learn her lessons on her own, as those are life lessons and sometimes we are 50 years or older before we learn our life lessons...I too have one daughter and I had to stand back and watch her learn the hard way about men, it was hard to see her suffer but she got theraphy and she got the guts to dump the losers and she now is a great mother of two kids, and nice husband who always works hard...I am proud of my daughter she has been there for me in so many ways, we helped each other out when it came to relationships! I learned a lot from my daughter about life, love. men and people...<br />
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Let your daughter make her own decisions, just because you have not made wise choices and was dealing with self esteem issues , do not butt in where the advise is not ask for...Let her be the adult and just be there for her when she needs you and if you are right then be there for when things screw up but if they don't screw up don't give your 98 percents instead give your two cents worth and let her work out the 98% on her own and she will learn her life lessons early in life. You do not want to be the nosy mother in-law so keep your nose out and do what ever makes your daughter happy. She know about the family situation so let it go, it is between the two of them and his family and she might be comfortable with it anyway so say nothing...<br />
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My daughter is married 8 years and I have only said 3 times my opinion once when I felt on her foot steps outside of her porch and I told her immediately to put salt out on the stepping stones as I had just feel and hit my head on the concrete steps!! The second was about the little girls grade and two bullies at school so she took care of it and did not let it just go on for 3 more weeks like she was going to do.. and the third was about grading of the dirt around the house so the rain does not wash away the foundation year by year...I had that experiences with the house so I know and also about bullies., So otherwise I keep my mouth shut!!! And my daughter and I have a very close relationship and always have as I let her learn the hard way and she has thanked me for it...

So you love your daughter but you can't be happy for her because your life is going to ****? nice lady

Hi <br />
one thing I have learned, is that GOD gives us a free will,You need to pray and leave her in Gods hands. And you need to back off ,I know what I am talking about, my daughter married, a man, that I thought she should have waited, but God had other plans, I have 2 betiful grand daughters that I would not trade for anything. she ended up divorceing him. and I was there for her.<br />
Please dont fight against her becouse you may also be fighting aginst GOD.

I was in a slight similar situation. My mother told me straight up what she felt, although i did feel some "resentment" towards her, i got over it and decided to listen to her advice. To this day i thank her since my relationship didn't break and we keep enjoying every moment we spend together w/ no worries. So i suggest you talk to her asap, its for her own benefit, she might be upset for a while but trust me it'll go away :)

First of all, You need to get laid. This will put a happy face on your spirit. May even help put some new life back into your relationship. Then you will go into this wedding with your daughter with a whole new attitude. You can't be happy for some one else, if you unhappy your self. <br />
That drag queen RuPaul, has a saying,<br />
" How can you love some one else, if you can't love your self."<br />
Go home jump your husband, no candles just some raw sex, blind fold him if you have to. but enjoy your self. Then go back to your daughters wedding and help her.<br />
Just remember, how can you be happy for her, when you can't be happy for your self.<br />
Oh yeah, Let her have her own life. you may not be happy with a clingy family, but she may find it nice to be a part of that. <br />
May God, and Goddess bless you all, and Their Son guide you always.

I was that type mother-in-law to be a few years back. My son's future wife and I got along wonderfully until her mother came into town and decided she didn't like me much. She ruled and ruined her families lives for years. My daughter-in-law became so confused and out of sorts that we couldn't speak to each other without getting angry. It took us about 3 years to overcome the damage done by that "mother of a bride". Fortunately DIL and I are now great friends and I cherish her in our family. I would truly keep those thoughts to yourself and examine what is going on within.

Your daughter has enough love for you and her future mother-in-law. Love is bottomless. Just love her and let her make her own choices. No control, just love.

Sleep with the Fiance, then you will once again enjoy the passion, he will prefere your experience and possible move in with you.

please don't do this to your daughter. if you cannot help, then don't and be honest enough with yourself and your daughter to let her know. when i got married, my mother-in-law and her mother did everything they could to sabotage my wedding and my first few years of marriage. she pulled everything--from claiming that she was constantly feeling "left out" to showing up at our apartment after we were married without being invited and starting petty fights(before, after and during my wedding) so she could lay blame on me and how i was supposedly a bad wife/person etc. it was hell. my husband's grandmother decided i was hurting my mil (i guess by virtue of the fact that i "stole" her son from her) and she sent pictures from my wedding back to me with my eyes poked out and swear words written all over them. <br />
it's too easy to let anger and jealousy run away with your true intentions. don't become the people i had to deal with when i first got married.

I think that the name of the group "I am selfish" explains describes you to a tee.

While I understand your motivation, I think you should let it alone. First of all, if she finds out, it will destroy what's left of your relationship. Second, based on your history, it doesn't sound like you have the best instincts as far as relationships are concerned. People need to learn from their own mistakes. If you are right, then you need to be in her life to support her. If you are wrong, no harm, no foul.

Don't worry, once she is married she will hate her mother-in-law as much as you do.

sorry that her time of celebration is one of mourning for you. Its something all parents must come to grips with at some point in time. I do hope it all works out well for all involded...