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Would Anyone Even Notice If I Were Gone?

as i sit here while the world flows like water around me,its as if i'm not moving at a child i experienced many heart aches,i dont even know where to begin so i'll try to list them in order 1. my earlist childhood memory was when i was 2 years old and my mom jumped out the bathroom window,i thought she was gonna help me out once she all the way out the window,i stood on the back of the toilet seat trying to crawl up the wall.then i realized she was running,i screamed"mommy" she turned around,briefly,i screamed "wait for me"then she was you wonder what she was running from? my dad...he was an alcohlic that was first my grandmothers grandma has 2 daughters,my mom that was 12 and my aunt chris.she was make a long story short my grandma,which was an alcoholic to left her daughters with my dad was 23 and started sleeoing with my mom,they had my brother 5 yrs later then my dad had a son with my aunt chris(my cousin-brother) the following year and then the very next yr me and my twin sister were born.i understand why my mom left my dad use to let his friends rape mt mom,she was hospitalized several times from the severe beatings she endured etc,i dont understand why she would leave us with him.we were 2.i was beat probably 4 times a was my dad,my brother my twin sister and me and i always wondered why every bit of anger was towards me.i was a very quiet and shy sweet little girl.years later i asked him why me and i finally got my answer "because you cried to damn much for your mom"we were'nt allowed to have friends in school (school is for an education not to make friends) i was told one day while getting whipped because another little girl said hi to me in frint of my dad. i was straved,wow i weighed 45lbs in 7th can imagine the bullying that i sufffered.from te ages of 7-11 one of my dads other sons raped me..i never told anyone,then one day i got the courage to tell my teaher.which she told the office,they called the police,the police came to my house and told my dad,my dad said i was lying,so they left and i was taught to never trust anyone.i tried to committ suicide 4 times before the age of 13.i could keep going on forever but i'm sure noones even listening.....
CraziiBeautiful CraziiBeautiful 26-30, F 1 Response Feb 1, 2013

Your Response


Wrong, I am listening, well reading. Have you ever read the book "A boy called It'? I understand it was the second worst case of Child Abuse in the History of California. There are times I wish I had not read it but it has been around for awhile. I cried through a lot of the book. I can not understand how a parent can allow a child to be abused so badly.
I would have thought you would have been taken to a doctor or Emergency Room for examination. Of course, years ago a lot of things common today were not done.
The bottom line is I think there are some out there that would miss you if or when you are gone. May not be many but there has to be someone you have touched in your life.
I am not sure what it is called but If I were to commit suicide, I would not be around for things to get better.
FYI, I have not been abused, I like the various options I have. I do hope that things get better for you. As an Adult you do have the Option to change, don't go down the same path. Good Luck.

i appreciate your kind words,yes i have touched many people.because of my childhood i work with handicapped and disabled adults,i also volunteer at childrens hospital in the burn dad never once took me to a doctor(not once) at the age of 12 i was excited because we finally got to hang around a 14 yr old girl in our apartment complex.just to find out later it was because my dad was sleeping with her sometimes i wonder if he ever.......... welll you know