Just Separated From My Husband
I just separated from my husband 2 days ago, it feels like a long time coming but it does not make it any easier. I married my high school sweetheart. We have been together 15 years and married a month shy of 10 years. I remember the great times as if they were yesterday and it makes me smile but for the past 6 years things have been shaky. My husband is an alcoholic and I have spent the better half of our marriage trying to help him fight and move past it but he did not want the help. A few months back I left for 4 days, telling him that he had to make a choice because I was at the end of my rope and I could not take it anymore. He quit drinking and I know you are thinking that is great, and it is, but he would not take the next step and attend AA or counseling or anything else so he never addressed the psychological or emotional issues he was dealing with. Now for the last couple months, he has gotten into something else, I am not sure what but I am guessing narcotics of some type. Same high but more difficult to figure out because there is no scent or slurred speech, just glazed, blood shot eyes and a tendency to pass out. Of course he denies everything and calls me paranoid among many other choice words.
He refuses to open up to me, he has been lying to me more than telling the truth and I don't trust him anymore. I love and care for him more deeply than I think he will ever know but it was time for me to start concentrating on me and I had not done that in a really long time.
I am hurting desperately and I have not given up hope, I am not sure I ever will because I truly believe he is my soul mate but I have done all I can to "rescue" him. The bottom line is....if he does not want the help, nothing will get through to him until he does.
Please tell me this gets easier, because right now I feel completely lost.