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I Wish...

Do I really secretly wish that I could turn back time and not subject the two little ones to all the changes that have happened since we decided to have them... would they have been better off to have drifted onto others that they would have experienced a family that remained together? Would they even be who they are without us as their parents... maybe they would have been better...

A 'palm reader' etc. told me that their souls picked me but what can I truly offer them - this is how you sell things when you get divorced so that you can have enough money to live? This is how you say goodbye to everyone and everything you have ever known because you have to move so far away that you cannot see them anymore.

Someone once said to me that resisting change just made it harder - maybe I am just doing that and they are having to pay the price. Maybe I should have just sold everything and moved because now everything is at the brink waiting for a piece of paper to see if there will be enough left for me to be approved to keep this shell of a house so they can at least see some of the friends they have grown up with.

Maybe its all wrong the wrong path and this all serves me somehow. Maybe its just me... it does not seem to matter that I am on medication and have conditions diagnosed in the last year as there are those that are worse off... it does not seem to matter whatever I have gone through as there are worse off...

A wise person said to me that the kids will be ok because I will make it ok... well what if I don't even know how to do that... how to make a decision... how to live anymore except for them... but I cannot hope to provide... there are so many things that I wish I had the answer for... maybe I have to resign myself that I simply do not know and hopefully there is some type of higher power or kind soul that will help...

Maybe if I throw these words out to the universe (limited universe I guess) the answer might somehow come...
Liminalghost Liminalghost 41-45, M 2 Responses Sep 24, 2012

Your Response


Everything we go through; the good, the bad and all that's between- it shapes us. We decide, though, whether to grow from it or not. It sounds like you're already aware of this but please keep in mind that personal suffering leaves room for the most significant growth possible. And within you resides the power to leave all the negative emotions and self talk behind... Replace it with hope and positivity. What science is just beginning to uncover is that our thoughts shape our reality... So if you put negativity into your world that is what you get. But if you push out every ounce of happiness and positivity that you can muster- it will come back to you instead. I wish you the best and have faith that you will overcome all your obstacles, friend. Namaste.

You can throw your words to the wind. And pray that some way some how the answers will all unfold before you. But Im going to share a bit of wisdom *( because I believe that those whom cant do teach! )

First off Im not a "know it all" and by far am I the greatest at advice. But I live by a saying "sometimes you've gotta lose to gain". I truely believe in that!

I also believe we as human beings even if we dont realize it; look for happiness in others. Its a lesson I am still to this day trying to learn myself. But unless you find happiness within yourself, youll never see the reflection of that emotion in anyone else. Its normal to shun yourself from society when your feeling defeated, its normal to want to somehow turn back and fix things with what we learn thru the experiences that lead us here.

I read this story and my heart just wanted to reach out to you, let you know that your not alone. ( sometimes when bad things happen to good people we tend to forget this!) Just know that ,this too shall pass. And you've already got your head in the right place. Keep your chin up sweetie! ((hugs))

Ps, you seem like such a unselfish soul. Always mentioning how bad others have it. Plz realize that you too ; are only human and your problems matter just as much!!