This Was My Choice

I got separated and moved out from my husband about 4 months ago.  I’ve made the decision to leave him about 2 years ago but things just never worked out for me to move out.  We’ve been together for 10 years and in those 10 years we’ve been married for 3.
I can honestly say that the first week I moved out I was very lonely and was use to having him around but as the days go on I know I made the right decision.  I’m myself again; I do what I want to do without wondering if what I do will upset anyone. 
It is hard, don’t get me wrong and now I only have one income and that has to last me, but I won’t change it for the world.
We have a 4 year old daughter together and for her we are still friends and we to talk to each other and still have drinks or coffee when he or I pick up our daughter.  I like the relationship I have with him now as I don’t have to please him anymore.
I was a different person around him and my friends even saw that.  I am an outgoing bubbly person but around him I was subdued and almost shy.
He told me the day I decided to leave him (when I told him about 2 years ago) that I will never find anyone that would love me the way he does, and I started to believe him.  He would also start playing on my insecurities just so that I must believe that I will never find anyone like him.
Don’t get me wrong, he will always be a part of my life and I would stay friends with him for my daughter’s sake but he will never ever manipulate me again. And trust me he has tried but not living with him I see straight through his plan.
This was my choice and I LOVE IT.  
KNell KNell
31-35, F
2 Responses Oct 11, 2010

My wife of 8 years is away right now dealing with some major problems with her near alult daughter. I know what it feels like to be separated - we had a short separation a few years ago for basically the same reason. This time its much more serious and she has to leave for at least a year to support her through rehab. I feel that the writing is on the wall this time - a long term or permanent separation by definition if nothing else. I think it will be an opportunity to each deal with our own problems and it certainly has left each of us with a lot of our own problems. We've basically put off having a family because of it which makes me sad and at the same time relieved now that we did. But its still not easy. And to think of starting all over....

Hi <br />
<br />
You did what you felt was right ,so good on you gal ,life is not about suppressing our innermost desires to try and get along . Infact by your own admission you have a much healthier relationship and outlook on life with each other , now that the obligatory ties are not tugging and pulling on your conscience needlessly . Everybody needs some space to grow, and breathe without the constraints of walking on egg shells, stifling one's opinions in order not to offend the other, submitting externally to other's needs and wants, but suffocating your own in the process. It is ironic how couples get on like a house on fire and have a resurgence of chemistry between them when ties of committment are no longer holding them in place ..........I would say to some extent they become more committed, but thats me I guess, veering off the traditional path ( something that really winds my mom up)