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Separated & Not Dealing Well W/the Reality.

I did post a few days ago.  My husband & I have been separated 3 months & tomorrow we & our respective lawyers meet.  We haven't spoken in three months.  We live in the hills of Vermont and have two homes on the property.  My husband is in one and my mother and myself in the other.  My mom is 88 and just got out of the hospital due to the flu.  She now has pneumonia.  Today was the big snow storm and we have no family or friends and are totally isolated.  All our family  live 2 hours away.  I am so lost without my husband's support.  I was so in love with him and learned to live with the cruel things he did.  It's hard to admit to feeling used for money, or housework as he never wanted to spend time with me or be intimate with me.  I had a very lethal suicide attempt in October as I didn't have the guts to leave the marriage.  Now he & his lawyer are going to meet with myself and his lawyer and I know they will be tearing into me.  His lawyer keeps e-mailing my lawyer complaining of money.  I've given up everything, home, family, job almost my life.  Why do people do this to one another?  And why was I so stupid.  Please everyone on this website keep me in your thoughts & prayers tomorrow at about 11:30 est.  Anyone who wants to write in I would appreciate some kindness.
maxmoca1 maxmoca1 51-55, F 6 Responses Jan 18, 2011

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I know your wrote this a few years ago, but I hope that today finds you well & happy.

Hello Maxmoca, I'm so sorry to hear about your current situation. Not sure what exactly is going on as of now since it has been awhile, but I am offering free mediation and professional asset appraisal from a high end divorce lawyer and mediator for a new television show. I know that divorce can be a very personal and sensitive time but please let me know if you'd be interested in hearing more, no obligation to participate. We'd love to help you move onto that next chapter of your life, free of cost. There is compensation involved.

I can relate to all these stories. When my husband first told me he wanted "out" of our marriage, I was advised by a colleague (who has been through a divorce) to join a support group - "Divorce Care". The support I received was tremendous and relating to others in the same boat also makes you stronger. You then realize that it was never about you. They (your partner) would have found ANYTHING wrong with you to justify his / her own short-comings. I'm not a deeply religious person but I can honestly say : Keep praying, it certainly does help.

God will get us through this. I have somewhat same situation. I have 4 year old daughter to think about. It is hard sometimes.

It is terrible that we have to face the "reality" of the situation. I am in a very similar situation with my husband, but he ran away leaving me with all belongings, tons of junk, and his bank card. We have not spoken in seven weeks, (too much of a coward to be honest with me). You wonder how we are going to move forward...like tenaj stated, desperation drives them further away. If you are religious, please put your faith in God. I pray daily. He will get us through our troubles.



I wish you all the best.

I am so sorry about your situation and I did say a prayer for you. Has anything changed ? I am in a similar situation as yours but I found that the more desperate we seem the more it turns them off. Especially if you do not have a social life. They take us for granted and then lose interest. My husband knew I had no life outside of him so he did nothing to try to keep me because he knew I was going no where. Well it surely tears at your whole self worth. I currently feel like crap but I am determined to get a life outside of him and focus on god. I wish you was closer to ny because we could get together and support each other. I'm basically assuming that your life evolved around your husband. I could be wrong if I am let me know your situation. But we can still support each other.

Hi Tenaj: I just read your response to my post of Jan 18th. You're so right about everything. Your self worth really gets destroyed and your world wraps around them. In despairation I went back to the situation. He accuses me of abuse and we have been going to a therapist for 1 1/2 years. The more we go the more hopeless it appears to be. My therapist is trying to encourage me to have a life. Fear is so strogly build in that I almost become paralyzed. Starting to let him not control my feelings but still it's hard. My name is Sandy but I don't know to change it in the profile. Let me know how your life is going and how you have managed. These things take time. Look at me 40 years.