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I'm Not Sad

I'm relieved! From the moment I said "I do" I knew that I had made a terrible mistake. He asked again and again if I was getting married just to get married, and time and time again I said no. When, prior to the marriage, he went on one of his tyraids and hit me, I made excuses. My embarrassment was far more important for me to protect than myself. The short nine months that I stayed felt like an eternity. When I left, I ran away from my own home. I left my belongings behind. He and his teenage son (from a previous relationship) stayed a couple of months until they were finally convinced to leave. The house was in my name, I had purchased it years before we got together, and I did not put his name on the mortgage. He paid no bills, did nothing to help, and I took over the burden of helping his son adjust to going to school on an every day basis (something with which he was very unfamiliar). I didn't want to be alone. I wanted to feel wanted, but instead, I just felt trapped. I'm so happy to be in my house again, alone with just my dog. I still don't want to die alone, but I know that when the divorce finally goes through (it will take another year and a half because he's contesting it) I will feel such relief, such freedom. Maybe I'm just not the marrying-kind?!?
whatsmycalling whatsmycalling 36-40 Oct 9, 2012

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