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I'm Not Sad

I'm relieved! From the moment I said "I do" I knew that I had made a terrible mistake. He asked again and again if I was getting married just to get married, and time and time again I said no. When, prior to the marriage, he went on one of his tyraids and hit me, I made excuses. My embarrassment was far more important for me to protect than myself. The short nine months that I stayed felt like an eternity. When I left, I ran away from my own home. I left my belongings behind. He and his teenage son (from a previous relationship) stayed a couple of months until they were finally convinced to leave. The house was in my name, I had purchased it years before we got together, and I did not put his name on the mortgage. He paid no bills, did nothing to help, and I took over the burden of helping his son adjust to going to school on an every day basis (something with which he was very unfamiliar). I didn't want to be alone. I wanted to feel wanted, but instead, I just felt trapped. I'm so happy to be in my house again, alone with just my dog. I still don't want to die alone, but I know that when the divorce finally goes through (it will take another year and a half because he's contesting it) I will feel such relief, such freedom. Maybe I'm just not the marrying-kind?!?
whatsmycalling whatsmycalling 36-40 1 Response Oct 9, 2012

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Maybe it is not that you aren't the marrying kind, but you married the wrong kind of man. It is not your fault you were hit and he had no excuse for it no matter what. What i think might be a good idea is to talk to someone and find out why you may have attracted someone like that in your life to begin with. I am trying to figure that sort of thing for myself. I am glad you decided to make a change, and that takes a lot of courage!