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Just Seperated From My Husbandt

I asked my husband of 6 years to leave.  It has been 3 days and the roller coaster of emotions I am going through is enough to drive me into an insane asylum!!  one minute I fell great and confident and the next minute I am miserable and scared.  I also have 2 young children.

My husband and I went in seperate directions years ago.  I sold my business to stay at home with my kids and he went into corporate life.  He began working CRAZY hours and was rarely home.  We started not getting along at all and we both began going down different paths.  We had nothing in common and constantly criticized the other person.  There was no love there just demeaning and negative bulls***.  The house began having a heaviness to it.  There was no laughter, no fun.  Just misery.  We began simply avoiding eachother.  We tried therapy but both just didn't put any effort into it.  Recently, I was asked to help colloborate in a project.  I agreed and my husband was VERY against it.  I did it behind his back and began spending alot of time with this man.  The more time we spend together the more we were hitting it off.  So much in common.  I know being with this man is wrong but it felt so great to feel again that i continued.  I think that situation made me finally ask my husband to leave.  

I am so confused I don't know where to begin to sort through this mess.  I have two kids to think about as well as my own happiness.  I would appreciate any advice or help...

sidney94 sidney94 31-35, F 6 Responses Mar 2, 2009

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I'm 57 and begging you to please do not get too involved in this new relationship. Men are happy when they can date a woman who is just leaving a bad marriage. Seperate for a while maybe a couple of months. Afterwhich call your husband to see if he is interested in meeting with you. Discuss his and your current situation and then ask if he has plans yet? If he does not find out if he has matured enought to know what he want, it could be he is ready to stay married. Try going to a good bible based church, get to know the pastor and first lady, they may have counseling groups. I'm just thinking of a possible solid family for the kids. I personally feel that you still love your husband but please make sure he still love you.

I suggest you read the book by Mort Fertel called Marriage Fitness. It is a marriage counseling alternative. He tells you constructive advice on how to reconnect with your spouse.

He also gives free marriage saving tips via email:

http://bit.ly/7secretsToFixingYourMarriage

You are having all these emotions because you know deep down you still love him. You guys have built a life together. You need to tell him what he is not giving you. Don't jump into another relationship with someone else...you might like all the attention you are getting from this other man, but is that going to make you happy in the long run?

hello: I feel for your pain, I am in your situation also. My wife an I seperated when my children were 8 and 11. She was having an affair and complained of being lonely. I begged her back, and we worked things out (we thought). That was 18 years ago. We just seperated again over this past week (she is still lonely), and I realize that I should have let her go back then. I think the marrage really died then. My point is: please don't drag a bad marrage out, there are many oppourtunitys out there. Don't make my mistake.

Anastazia has given you great advice.

Especially with two children in the picture, this is one of the hardest things you will ever do, and it can also be the best thing, dependng on your outlook.

You are in a vulnerable place right now and I would hope that others won't take advantage of you, but some will.

Keep yourself clear headed, think about a therapist you can work with for a better understanding of your self.

Respect yourself and expect happiness, not sadness. You can't control others, but you can start changing your reactions to them.

Blessings being sent

I dont think going right into another relationship would be the best thing. First for your children, second for you as you need to sort our your emotions. Even though you will be happy with a new love interest, the emotions of the divorce are still there to deal with and bring baggage into your new relationship. If he is the one he should be willing to wait. The last thing you need is more going on.



Ive been through a divorce and it is a ride of emotions. I would melt down and be so miserable. It wasnt because I missed him, I felt degraded by him and angry at the entire situation. It was a shock to my system. The days went on and I got stronger. Just took time.



Hang in there and dont overwhelm yourself or else you will repeat history.