When Things Just Don't Seem Right

I feel so down- its everything over my failure. I live a silly claytons-life "its the life you have - when you are not really having a life"
I feel sad over one of my cats dying. she was old but I still feel sad and fearful when its the others turn. I count the moments as precious but I still have to live life and do things.
I know there is something missing in my life. but I know that it is not easy trying to find the things I truely desire like love and being accepted and being good enough. having a home to come home to. I long for security and safety. a husband who is loving and real and not full of ****. I get so down over the house and lack of money to do improvments that are so needed on it.

I wish I could go and loose weight without guilt. and feel pretty without guilt. fall in love and actually work out for once - without guilt.

The only good thing I have is my cats. if I die I want them to have everything I have. I don't want to give things away to others or feel like I have to be adopting- if I can't have my own children, I am not gonna raise anyone else. I can't give them what they deserve. I am happy to live a teenage life-style forever now with out the hassles of babies crying at all hours of the night.

I just hate my ****** family. especially my mothers stupid family. they all need their egos kicked in for them. they are the arseholes not me. I can't be expected to understand their stupid games. and their selfish egos that are out of control.

what did I expect???? well, some respect, honesty and decency, they didn't have to go around lying about me and setting me up to be disliked. I don't want a thing from the arse-holes now. I need nothing but the life I have to make good with.

I am not interested in relationships. I can't give a man the things he would need or want and I am past babies, and lovey-dove crap.
I try my best to get thru the day and count my blessing and hope I don't meet anymore screw-ball f-nuts.

I hate my in-laws for abusing me and I will mean that to the day I die! There is no compromise on that!!! never ever ever.
czaristacrystals czaristacrystals
36-40, F
1 Response Aug 13, 2010

Hi -<br />
<br />
Have commented on your other post. Keep faith !<br />
<br />
T.C.