Life Is Going No Where

I could and did bare the failure of romantic relationships, I am completely a sexual failure but it was hard to come to terms with being the uni failure and career failure.

I feel hurt by the lack of career success. I feel hurt the way men have ignored me and never taken much interest in me but these strange guys - it really says something about me, and what people think of me, that I can't seem to attract clever, educated, cute and respectful men into my life. they are always fat, unkept, and ungroomed or dull, under educated and extremely dis-respectful.

I except that I am not always perfect and that I am not a model - i wish I was, as beautiful, so sure I think I haven't the right to expect hot hunks off tv etc, they are in my dreams. but for god sake- what about their rudeness and lack of respect towards me. that started as a child - men were extremely disrespectful and abusive to me. i never understood why and what it was about me that men felt the need to be nasty to me, but it hurts me - I don't want to be a lesbian, and I know I like men, but i feel like men are pushing me away being cruel and rude and hurtful to me.

I have never had a lesbian experience but sometimes I think well, i must be boarding of gay - i even enjoy seeing men and women on **** and some of the guys are so creepy I look at the women more. does that me weird or gay???? do I have to take abusive men or unkept men - or nothing as an alternative?????

I don't bother to groom myself as much lately. I miss the facials and massages at the beauty salon and the nice hair do's...I did all that to try to attract a man, after putting in heaps of years studying living on nothing I wanted to loose weight and find a man to love me. I looked at uni for guys, at collage and tafe. I looked at work but none liked me, who i liked.

i didn't want to be with ken, it shouldn't have happened - it was too rushed and yukky really, i didn't get to know him. I wanted romance and a cutey guy to like me. maybe I was too ugly to deserve someone like rick, or robert g or dan or jason.

i don't need a pop star - my ideal guy is a law professor at uni young and hot, while I am young and hot...I met one or two and they were mind blowing. but I wasn't good enough and I was just too nervous. men don't like nervous girls. they like confident bitttchess.
i wasn;t a little girl just because I was crying over the loss and grief of my grandmother. i am not a little girl just cus i am a student and not working.

god please help me balance my life, with or without a man.
czaristacrystals czaristacrystals
36-40, F
1 Response Aug 13, 2010

Hi there -<br />
<br />
No-one else seems to be responding. Do you have any help with your pain ? What have you tried ? It can be a long search, but you might find if you are lucky enough to get a helper you can confide in that the awfulness can be shared ?<br />
<br />
Tell us more ?<br />
<br />
T.C.