Sex Positivity

Although I think that bryflayz was concise, eloquent and thorough in explanation of sex positivity, I thought I'd add my two cents on how it has affected my life.

Three and a half years ago, I became polyamorous (I practice consensual non-monogamy and have two longterm boyfriends). I was raised in fairly liberal and sex positive household, but I still had a lot of baggage about sex from all of the negative, conflicting and confusing messages I recieved my entire life through the media and from my friends and relatives. Polyamory helped me be more honest about what my sexual needs were and to open up lines of communication about sex between me and my partners.

Last year I read Christopher Ryan and Cacilda Jetha's book Sex At Dawn which talks about how monogamy does not come naturally to humans as a species. We were born sexually prolific and meant to have lots and lots of sex throughout our entire lives. You may think this is strange, but up until I read this book, I believed (even if subconciously) that women were not as horny as men. I thought women were only interested in security and romantic love and that lust was the domain of the average man (not woman). After reading Sex At Dawn (which I would recommend to anyone), my semi-constant horniness made a lot more sense. I felt better about my own sexual needs and desires and more comfortable talking about them.

I started to notice all the judgments I'd subconcously held about sex all my life. That it was wrong, that it was dirty, that I was a bad person for engaging in it and that people who abstained from sex or only had sex within comitted relationships were "good" people. Now, even though I still notice those judgments cropping up now and then, I know that there is no truth behind them. In my perfect world, no one would feel shame for their sexual needs or proclivities. People would be comfortable in their own skin and comfortable with their own sexuality, whether they identified as hetero, bi, pansexual, transgender, kinky, dominant, submissive, or any of the other multiple facets that make up the full spectrum of human sexuality. That's why I joined this group. Thanks :D
Fayerweather Fayerweather
36-40, F
3 Responses Jan 8, 2013

oh wow... this is infinitely more eloquent than anything I could ever say. I am in awe of you

What is the difference between pan- and bi-sexual?

As far as I can tell, pansexual means having the ability to be attracted to all people, no matter what their sexual or gender identity is. Pansexuals may be attracted to straight people, gay people, gender neutral people, transgender people. If an actual pansexual person would like to add to this or correct me, please do. I'm not well versed on the subject

I was reared in a completely non-sexual family. Between that and the religious guilt I experienced, I am thankful to have ended up as a sexually positive person. I escaped due to my natural individualism. Not much for following the crowd.

I'm glad you were able to break out of the pre-prescribed norms placed on you in childhood. I grew up in a liberal environment and found that the messages being thrown at me by my peers and the media did the most damage.

Interesting, somebody from a liberal environment was influenced by other elements to conform to the sex negative society in which we find ourselves.

For me, I think it was the biggest factor in turing away from organized religion.

My mother was kind of sex neutral rather than positive or negative. She raised me pretty much on her own and didn't discourage sexual positivity, but was also not that interested in it. She was also very pro monogamy. I was raised in a largely non-religious environment, so I can't imagine what it must have been like to have that influence on me as a child *shudder*

Not sure many people understand the damage organized religion does to society. There are some good things it does; but I believe by it demonizing the human body it makes young people curious about seeing naked people of the opposite sex. The **** industry should be making huge contributions to the churches!

Haha! Excellent point

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