Oh Yes I Am Shallow

They can be the nicest guys in the world, but unless they're a bit attractive, I won't date them....  shallow, shallow, shallow.
MissFriendly MissFriendly
31-35, F
6 Responses Apr 14, 2007

It's funny, men are often painted as the shallower of the two sexes. But I don't feel that is the case, nor do I think that women are more shallow. It's equal. The difference is when it comes to personality or values or whatever else.<br />
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I heard an interview with the author of "Marry Him: The Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough" her name is Lori Gottlieb and I remember from the interview a few statistics. I am not going to look them up or read the book, but I have a good memory and if you don't trust me, you reserve the right to do that, but look up the stats yourself (wow that sounded meaner than I mean it) <br />
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Anyway, one thing I remember was that when asked if a woman had 80% of a man "ideal woman" (based on an individuals idea of an ideal woman) if he would consider that "settling" a majority of men said "no". Asked women the same question, a majority of women said "yes, 80% is considered settling"<br />
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also, she said there was three things in common with what men wanted in a woman, the individual man has to be attracted to his mate, Kind hearted, (and I can't remember the third) but those were the very common answers and it could be whittled down to those three things.<br />
For women there was too many, over three thousand different "traits" so it couldn't be whittled down<br />
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Women are meant to be selective. they put a lot of time and energy being pregnant and the man can just take off leaving her to raise the kid (in theory, now a days in the USA and Britain it's way better, the laws can be bad for the good men trying to be a dad). So while it is ok to be somewhat shallow in my opinion. you want your kids to be good looking. but on that note, Jerks arn't going to be good for your kids.<br />
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On the same token, I will admit that I do not think I am shallow, but I have to be attracted to the girl. That means though I have actually been pursued by what others considered a very good looking woman, my friends called her hot i didn't see it, which is not usual for me ( a hot girls pursuing me), she's a good person, but I just wasn't attracted to her, at all. That sounds bad, but that isn't fair for either of us. <br />
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I latter had the reverse situation, I had a long term friendship with a girl I always wanted, we finally fooled around a few times. She then stopped talking to me, months later we reconciled as friends but she told me that she "loved me" but thinks she deserves a better looking guy. I was CRUSHED, we don't see each other anymore but keep a loose friendship, e-mails and calls every few months. (I later determined through the helped of a great female friend that the girl never really loved me, thats not love) Now I keep my girlfriends and female friends separate. If I like a girl, she doesn't feel the same way, I can't be just friends. Wow I turned a comment into my own little story, but that did suck and I am glad I never led the girl that liked me on.<br />
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There is an old saying that goes something like, "women want to take the bad boy they can't have and turn them into the good boy they can." something like that.

I'm so shallow too and I hate it. I've rejected some of the greatest guys because they didn't fit what i wanted physically in a man. And then when I do find a guy that fits my standards they turn out to be comeplete ********!! I'm afraid I'm going to be alone forever...:(

To a certain extent, shame shouldn't be felt. But the Genus Homo also has a brain much more powerful then any other Genus. We, in many ways, have "triumphed" over simple instinctual reactions and procedures. Physical attributes play a minor role in our proliferation as a species. Enhancing our gene pool will most likely lead towards people who have high intellects and the possibly to improve our quality of life. Why then, are models and athletes lauded?<br />
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We, as humans, have actual passed the idea of breeding for the proliferation of the genus, because our freedom of biological tendencies has allowed us to see other things<br />
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Beauty has nothing to do with reproduction, infact, if we examine many models, many would be considered to thin as to properly birth children, and if men are indeed meant to be "providers" then money/status should be the only consideration<br />
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I do agree though, I'm usually pretty lonely, and I kind of wonder why I couldn't be more sexually desirable. I say to my self " man, if only girls would judge me without shallowness..." but when it comes down to it, I feel like almost every girl I've approached (with the exception of a couple) have fit the standard western definition of beauty. I unno, it is unfair and unrealistic for me to find someone physically beautiful, if im not in the same strata.

Sometimes I feel like i'm shallow too...and whenever i feel that, i feel guilty as hell!!<br />
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I like to think that I first look at the guy's personality and then his appearance - but in most cases, i only look at the guy's personality if I find his appearance acceptable. <br />
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I feel like such a horrible person...

correction: i look at personality first, the "non jerky" guys..i become mates with them, then i see a good-looking guy and become infatuated with them- overlooking obvious jerk-like qualities they may possess :S

me too. i am not attracted to jerks, bt if a guy is cool bt yet doesn't look that great, i won;t date them. the only guys i am physically attracted to tend to be jerks, bt i can't help it. guys i'm not physically attracted too don't interest me romantically, so i usually end up having them as mates. so not only am i shallow, i'm proud too. bt not proud of being shallow..