Could Two People With Bpd Traits Lead A Healthy And Happy Relationship????

I was diagnosed under a year ago that I have strong traits of BPD, excluding the suicide attemps which I must say has crossed my mind over the past two years! I have always had awareness of my odd behaviour and mood swings, being far more deep and severe than anyone else arround me! The signs of being different have always been there but I never flet the need to explore these emotions and feelings as they never caused me any real problem until recently!!! I entered a relationship with someone I'd like to refer to as my soulmate over two years ago. This was not my first relationship, I have been married before for 10 years of which it was good but not good enough for me to stay. I also had a couple of short relationships before and after my marriage but again neither one of them were deep enough for me to cling on to! I ended all of my relationships without too much hurt from my side but later on regreted every ending as I realised they were not at fault and they certainly did not deserve being abandoned by someone they deeply loved without any real reason!


Shortly after we bagan our recent relationship it became apparent to both of us that we were very compatible and extremely in tune with one another. This was at first an amazing feeling to know that you have a twin who is now reunited with you and you can share your lives, thoughts and feelings for ever!!! Unfortunately, this joyfull thought was very short lived and before long we both started having conflicts about most things... We waisted two summers, one Christmas, and every two or three months in between, arguing and breaking up sometimes for as long as three months!! To me one of the main issues was in relation to him runninga business with his ex-fiance. He could not see anything wrong with that and he was particularly defencive of her if I said anything at all. He used to call me names and tell me that I am an evil jealous person and that I need halp, followed by him getting into his car and driving away wnd each time he followed the same pattern, I became more hurt and grew to dislike his ex as at the time I saw her as the problem, and not me or us!! Following one of our major rows we broke up for three months and it was during that time when I started going to counselling and in time they dagnosed my symptoms as BPD. At the same time he started looking into his childhood and the problems he has had with his previous relationships and tried to come to terms with his passed and his not so happy childhood. He knew he had issues with anger and resentment and for the first time he was admitting to them and was willing to change. I immidiately started my theropies and was willing to do anything to learn and stop my emotions controlling my behaviour. After a few months we got back together and like the begining, everything was fresh and we were both just happy to be back together and we both promised that we would never leave and would stand by one another no matter what happens. Unfortunately as soon as we got all settled back into our lives and were in the comfort of our little bubble, the old habbits came back to life and I got bored and he got frustrated and there we were again.... Love/hate emotions fighting against one another, nasty and hurtful comments and wanting to fly away and break free kicked in. We broke up over a month ago. This time we left each other and with the hope to find ourselves ALONE!!!! I am missing him terribly but I know it the right thing for both of us! I can not imagine my life without him yet I know if we were to get back together I would start looking for faults and reasons to be without him!!!! It is painful to know that I have got myslef stuck in this pattern but I don't seem to be able to break free from him! It feels like he has become a part of me! Sometimes I really don't know where I am going from here and if ever I would learn how to stop this from happening!!!! I want to get rid of this distructive emotional disorder and find the person I really am!!!!! My fear is have I just distroyed the only possible relationship that could make me happy??? Could two people with similar traits of BPD lead a healthy relationship???

sho1 sho1
36-40, F
4 Responses Apr 5, 2010

I have bpd and my beloved boyfriend who i believed had it too with clinical depression and maybe an addiction problem too.Your story is exactly like mine i did seek help but he didnt.I tried to push him to go but he never went.He always had suicidal thaughts since the begining. Our relationship was exactly like yours except that we were not insulting each other.It lasted a year. I left him because i thought it would be the best for me so i can heal myself as well as he can on his side but he got very depress.He did the unthinkable.he kill himself sept.25 2012.I dont know what to think i feel extremely guilty because i was the last person to see him.

BPD is also know as Emotionally Unstable Personality Disorder, and I prefer that term as it makes it more clear what the issue is - emotional instability. I too was in an intense and short-lived relationship with someone who, like me, had problems with how to best honour her emotions. We had great times, but when it went sour, we spiralled downwards rapidly. That's because we were both emotionally unstable and ill-equipped for dealing with stressful times in a relationship. <br />
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Learning better ways to express your emotions, knowing when to draw a line under something, how to say "no" and how to put things in proportion is key to achieving a happier life. Being in am intense and difficult relationship with someone you can't rely on makes that very hard if not impossible to achieve.<br />
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Your relationship with each other isn't as important as you say it is. You know this deep down, but we all like to cherish the lovely feeling of being in love. However, we can't be in that state forever. We need to eat well, drink well, sleep well, exercise, develop our interests and hobbies and social lives, and find things in life that make us happy. If we meet someone who likes us when we're stable and and happy, and we like them, that's when we're likely to have a stable relationship that will grow and mature with us.

It's difficult enough for a relationship to succeed where one person has BPD, so I imagine it's even more difficult for two people with BPD to have a successful relationship. It sounds like the two of you really should spend some time working on yourselves and learn to control the BPD as best as you can. If you both truly are soulmates, you will find each other again and this time be able to offer more to each other. But, you have to be on the same page in terms of treatment. If you have received help for the BPD while he hasn't then the same problems may present themselves and it could make you regress.

sometimes you just have to let go =( .... or maybe not, i dunno. its been 8 years now that ive let him go and for a long time i thought i did the right thing without question, after finally leaving an emotionally and mentally abusive relationship. then while trying to "find myself" i discovered that what might be wrong with me is BPD. yes he did love me...and i loved him deeply (still do). i just didnt know how to handle my emotions and i fkd it all up, over and over and over....but it was certainly provoked! always kicking him out and throwing his stuff in his moms yard, embarassing him, blah blah blah. we have 2 kids, 9 and 10 years old and we have both moved on with our lives....not because we WANTED TO, because we HAD TO...and everytime we spend some time together in any way romantically the rush of every possible feeling in the world comes creeping back, for both of us, and its toxic. its a tragic love story. maybe someday there will be a happy ending. unti then, you and i should both focus on making ourselves happy....i hope your heart will soon heal