Could Two People With Bpd Traits Lead A Healthy And Happy Relationship????
I was diagnosed under a year ago that I have strong traits of BPD, excluding the suicide attemps which I must say has crossed my mind over the past two years! I have always had awareness of my odd behaviour and mood swings, being far more deep and severe than anyone else arround me! The signs of being different have always been there but I never flet the need to explore these emotions and feelings as they never caused me any real problem until recently!!! I entered a relationship with someone I'd like to refer to as my soulmate over two years ago. This was not my first relationship, I have been married before for 10 years of which it was good but not good enough for me to stay. I also had a couple of short relationships before and after my marriage but again neither one of them were deep enough for me to cling on to! I ended all of my relationships without too much hurt from my side but later on regreted every ending as I realised they were not at fault and they certainly did not deserve being abandoned by someone they deeply loved without any real reason!
Shortly after we bagan our recent relationship it became apparent to both of us that we were very compatible and extremely in tune with one another. This was at first an amazing feeling to know that you have a twin who is now reunited with you and you can share your lives, thoughts and feelings for ever!!! Unfortunately, this joyfull thought was very short lived and before long we both started having conflicts about most things... We waisted two summers, one Christmas, and every two or three months in between, arguing and breaking up sometimes for as long as three months!! To me one of the main issues was in relation to him runninga business with his ex-fiance. He could not see anything wrong with that and he was particularly defencive of her if I said anything at all. He used to call me names and tell me that I am an evil jealous person and that I need halp, followed by him getting into his car and driving away wnd each time he followed the same pattern, I became more hurt and grew to dislike his ex as at the time I saw her as the problem, and not me or us!! Following one of our major rows we broke up for three months and it was during that time when I started going to counselling and in time they dagnosed my symptoms as BPD. At the same time he started looking into his childhood and the problems he has had with his previous relationships and tried to come to terms with his passed and his not so happy childhood. He knew he had issues with anger and resentment and for the first time he was admitting to them and was willing to change. I immidiately started my theropies and was willing to do anything to learn and stop my emotions controlling my behaviour. After a few months we got back together and like the begining, everything was fresh and we were both just happy to be back together and we both promised that we would never leave and would stand by one another no matter what happens. Unfortunately as soon as we got all settled back into our lives and were in the comfort of our little bubble, the old habbits came back to life and I got bored and he got frustrated and there we were again.... Love/hate emotions fighting against one another, nasty and hurtful comments and wanting to fly away and break free kicked in. We broke up over a month ago. This time we left each other and with the hope to find ourselves ALONE!!!! I am missing him terribly but I know it the right thing for both of us! I can not imagine my life without him yet I know if we were to get back together I would start looking for faults and reasons to be without him!!!! It is painful to know that I have got myslef stuck in this pattern but I don't seem to be able to break free from him! It feels like he has become a part of me! Sometimes I really don't know where I am going from here and if ever I would learn how to stop this from happening!!!! I want to get rid of this distructive emotional disorder and find the person I really am!!!!! My fear is have I just distroyed the only possible relationship that could make me happy??? Could two people with similar traits of BPD lead a healthy relationship???