I Feel So Alone

I go to a counsellor for anxiety and depression, and I can't seem to tell her half the things that are going on. I've shut her out of half my life I need help with. But I just can't bring myself to tell her. I feel stupid and pathetic. Like everyone's just laughing at me because of the way I am. I have found myself making excuses to my mum as to why I don't go out of my house much and when I do go out I just want to crawl under a rock because I feel everyone is judging me and thinking of horrible things to call me or do to me. It just feels like everything's closing in and I can't do anything to stop it.
MessedUpGirl MessedUpGirl
22-25, F
4 Responses May 10, 2012

I was against counseling until things got bad and I called a suicide hotline. Thankfully the therapist I spoke to was near me and had me come in. She has been a good help but I still need a lot of work. Keep at it and find someone you can relate to.

My support. I was throu depression myself.

I do feel comfortable around her, but I have a really hard job trusting people and it takes me a long time to open up to them. I have opened up to her more than anyone, and she is helping a lot with other parts of my life :). There's parts of it though that I find really hard to share as it still hurts me to this day. I went through severe mental bullying throughout all my life and docs in one place where I lived were nasty to me about it. Just dunno what to do, as some of the torture still happens and even when people take the mick out of others with the same condition it hurts so much cause they don't know I've got the same. <br />
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Its really great that you've come a long way with your counsellor it helps to know others are doing better :) and that it does work :)

I understand. Some things are hard to tell someone, but just try and remember that she will never, ever judge you. Try not to keep the past bottled up inside of you - it's not healthy.

I've been through mental bullying as well. It's definitely hard, and I'm still suffering with the effects of it all. But, trust me, letting it all out to someone who cares about you helps so much.

(:

Do you feel comfortable around your counselor? If you don't, then find a different one. You need to be able to get your thoughts and feelings out to someone, otherwise it'll keep bottling up inside of you and making you feel worse. The counselors aren't there to judge or make fun of you, they are there to help you, you just need to trust.<br />
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Trust me, I've been going to counseling for four years, and at first it was hard to open up to mine, but eventually I realised that she wasn't out to hurt me or judge me, she was there to help me - she wanted to help me. I got more comfortable and trusting with each session, and with time I began telling her my thoughts and feelings, and I have improved so, so much. I still have a long way to go, but I'm not stuck where I was four years ago.<br />
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Just give it a go (: