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I Was An Extremely Shy Nervous Child, Teen And Young Woman

I used to shake and near faint my head would swim around and I felt weak and I have collapsed a few times its so embarrassing. I try my best to hide my nerves and fear of people especially men... or violent situations. I am shy out of fear and I used to feel embarrassed and afraid... I think that is why child sex abusers pick on shy kids because it hurts their feelings more and they feel deep shame over their bodies or things that some personality types just pass off. shy kids are less likely to ring the police or tell... out of fear... abuser know that.   I get shy out of fear and I have occasionally been the type to be loud and pretence that all is ok ,,,but I spent many times at university near collapse and shaking and the teachers must have thought I was a complete idiot...

shyness is painful ... embarrassment is painful... but sometimes you have to suffer it out so the truth comes out... and its a high risk ... I can be shy at times when I feel stupid or fat and uninteresting and lacking confidence I can be very shy ... if I meet prominent people I get so shy and nervous ... cute guys make me shy and nervous ... I used to say to myself... ok you got his attention and then just keep doing the nice things he likes and be yourself... with rick one night i was so scared... the first night he came onto me - he put his arm around me and I was shaking ... I felt very embarrased like a idiot that I was so afraid... he was looking into my eyes and did this wild thing with his eyes at me... like a trance... I thought...It will be ok once you are in his arms it may be painful to get this far but if he likes me ... it maybe worth it... I used to think with guys... I was so scared after being bashed to trust a guy... all I wanted was hugs and affection and dates and love ... being bashed makes life so confusing. you dont know where to turn... being raped is worse ... there is so much shame attached like the child sex abuse....
czaristacrystals czaristacrystals 36-40, F Jun 19, 2011

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