Why Am I So Shy

Hi, I am new here. I was always a shy child. My mother was extremely shy. This makes it difficult to connect with people. So this is where I think the social anxiety comes from. I always felt alone. Probably because I have a very small family. I was not emotionally connected to my family. My brother ignored me, father in his own world and mother extremely shy so she did not talk much. This left me alone and did not give me the tools to be social.  I am shy but when feeling comfortable I love to talk, debate and share. But only when I am comfortable. Then I let loose. So I have not learned to balance my shyness and wanting to connect. I am trying to find a happy medium where I feel comfortable. I don't like small talk - I feel bad but this bores me. I guess I am a bit intense and like to discuss interesting things. I am constantly analysing myself to figure me out. Thanks for reading my rambling. I am very kind but get bored easily. Can anyone relate at all. I would love to hear your experiences.


Cassandra Cassandra
51-55, F
21 Responses Apr 10, 2007

I can relate.

I'm only daunghter. So I don't have any siblings. And I'm introvert. Have no sincere friends. My daily life is so boring and lonley.;(

HI cassandra. I really can relate to what you have said. I feel like I wrote this letter. I am also very shy around strangers. I do not like to be around alot of people that I don't know and lately I don't like being around too many people that I do know. I do have some friends, however we have been friends for almost a lifetime. I think that friendship is something that is earned you work towards it. I really love my children and I dont want them to be anything like me. but the more I see it the more I feel like I may be making them like me. I feel as if there will never be an end to this cycle. I don't want to live like this anymore and I don't know where to turn for help. Is it as easy as going out every week just to open up. What do I do with myself

<p>I am exactly the same, but I just don't want to talk to people, it seems like they don't have anything in common with me, and if I get to know someone (only VERY well) then I'll just be chill and sometimes let too many happy feelings out at one time. I guess we are all the same, shy at first, awesome when you get to know us :D

Hi, I definitely can relate to you because I am very shy person. I am also somewhat a perfectionist because I would think of what I want to said in my head before saying it out loud. Due to that, I always run out of thing to say to people. On the other hand, I have four close friends that goes to school somewhere far. Whenever I am with them, my personanlly aren't afraid to come out. I could talk and laugh freely because I know they are not going to judge me. Also, whenever I am in a conversation with someone, I always wonder if they are telling the truth or not. I am too afraid to go up to someone to say hi. Other people makes it look easier but in reality it is not. The hardest thing is I tend to get bored really quickly. I would get bored with myself, so how can I not get bored with someone else.

I am extremely shy too, and I can relate. I mean so shy I turn red if anyone tries to speak to me. I was brought up in a very sheltered home, I couldn't even hang out with my cousins growing up. I believe this handicapped me socially and I am very awkward unless I know you , then I'm a completely different person. It bothers me so much I almost always go into depression 3-5 months out of the year. I don't have any friends and this makes it much worse. I hope things will get better

I can totally relate. I just read an AMAZING book called "Quiet: The Power of Being an Introvert in a World That Can't Stop Talking." It really shines a light on all the things we shy people have to offer the world.

Yeah me too I'm always shy, quiet and dead silent in front of people I don't know well. <br />
But once I talk to my boyfriend or family, I talk non-stop and can be super crazy. I never like small-talk, it's boring and meaningless. I just want to walk away whenever I hear people babble. I always receive annoying comments like 'you shoud talk more, why are you so quiet, blah blah.....But I never want to change myself, to me shy is a cool characteristic!! My boyfriend, family, and best friend always love me for who I am. <br />
I think shyness is a special character, it just takes time to realize that shy people are actually very interesting and funny.

I like to think that I haven't always been shy but now that I am in college, i think my shyness has gotten worse. Most of the time I can go to lunch or breakfast with my roommate but when she's not around I don't want to go. I always end up sitting by myself and I hate that so sometimes I will just starve and stay in my dorm room. I really want to make friends but I'm the kinda person who you have to something to before I talk. I don't like talking in front of people because I'm afraid i'll look stupid. I don't find myself attractive so I always get nervous in front of guys. Sometimes i just wish I was more outgoing, I remember I was so scared to go to my prom because I dont like dancing in front of people. Even though I went I didnt really have fun, I just sat down and watched people dance.

me too, exactly. It is a scary place to be.

Me three. I've always been shy. I just got back from a program last semester, so this school year is like I'm a freshmen all over again. All my friends I knew didn't come back this year, plus all my roomates have friend of their own.

wowI never thought there where so many people who are just as shy an similer to me.<br />
Im the same way I talk all the time with people im close too but died silent around people I dont know.<br />
Strange thing is im a guitar pla<x>yer an I dont mind performing in front of people just cant talk to them.<br />
Iv always been this way an its really gotten to where people are scared of me somtimes like really think im shoot up the school crazy but im not im just shy lol

Thank you for sharing. <br />
I have no desire to speak in front of a crowd, thank goodness! I could barely give my name at my yoga class. lol<br />
I think I have accepted that I really have not spent much time with people I have things in common with, therefore, feel that I don't belong because what interests them, doesn't interest me. I tend to try and analyze everything.<br />
Thanks again.

I too was VERY shy since the first day I went to kindergarten, but when I am comfortable I can talk, maybe too much. I need to know someone before I can really feel confident. Usually guys approach me, (I'm not bad looking) but I finally made the effort to ask a guy out, and we've been together for 2 years. This guy was head over heels the very first day he saw me, and what made me fall in love with him is that he made me pancakes that looked like Mickey Mouse. I spoke at conferences and my anxiety got my heart racing. My boyfriend told me to take a class in Toastmasters because in the field I am pursuing, Social Work depends on building rapport with my clients. Oh, yeah. I am also a man.

i have the same problem bro/sis i feel so lonly but even if i got a chance i didnt to choose to meet any one who want to be my friend by cp or by other ways thats cos i am shy but some thimes i lost many hours talking with my self try to rid from this shyness disease then i walk up with great power i become so confident but sudenly when i got some thing dificult i cant challinge it i terns back to be shy again i hate to be shy so much and i like friends so muchhhhhhhhh

i can relate... it's hard for me to make new friends because it takes me a long time to get comfortable but when i do get comfortable i am extremely talkative....<br />
<br />
maybe it's a confidence thing... i don't know

I am learning to be me and not care about what other's think of me. I just try to be oblivious to what other's may be thinking. It is starting to work - yeah - freedom.

omg this is so similar to me<br />
isn't being shy horrible as people don't like shy people as i've descovered. oh well<br />
I know as i'm shy myself what being shy is like...

What does it take to be a speech therapist.<br />
It sounds wonderful

I understand you all completely! This may sound weird but I can be extremely shy around children, probably because I am studying to become a speech therapist. I love people and children and don't want to avoid them.

I know that for myself that I have just wanted to be me and be accepted. I don't know if I am overly sensitive or what but I always felt rejected by people. Whether it was a look or I thought someone felt I was boring, I don't know. I want to be me and be accepted. I have two sides fighting with each other. I want to be layed back, laugh and have fun, but I am hypervigilant to what I perceive to be rejection. Does this make any sense to anyone. One thing that I am doing is not caring what others think. But I know if I died my hair green it would draw attention to me, and I don't like that. So then I end up caring that someone may think I am weird. Oh the struggle. I will figure it out one day. Maybe when I get too old to care. Sometimes I am shy around men and sometimes I am not. I blush very easily. So sometimes I think men think I am interested in them, maybe I am that is why I blush and then this gives me away. I don't know. I am always trying to analyse things. And I am just venting.<br />
<br />

Yes I can relate. I was painfully shy all through school. I was ok once I got to know someone but it took me a while to really open up. The older I have gotten the more the shyness has worn off. I am still very shy around men I am attracted to. I mean to the point that it is ridiculous. I get embarrassed to eat in front of attractive men I will sit and pick at my food. It's really awkward trying to go on a dinner date with someone. I get real quite around attractive men to this day and I am always affraid I am going to say or do something stupid. Is that crazy or what? I wonder if anyone else has the same problem.

yes cassandra, i relate totally. i too am very shy, dont have any friends only my boyfriend. it takes me a long time to get to know people to feel comfortable. but like you when i am comfortable, i love to talk, share, laugh. if you know the secret let me know and if i find it first i'll let you know lol.