Why Am I Shy Around Him?

I know im shy but I usually warm up to those who prove themselves trustworthy and kind..etc.but i've notice that at my martial art club, that i'm intimidated by my Sifu(teacher). i've been in that club since I was fifteen and now im eighteen yet im still intimidated by him. well to help see why i'll go into more detail,My sifu..not that it maters is asian and has a great "poker face" when he is at the club and teaching for me creats the factor of not being able to "read" him which makes me feel uneasy cause I usually like to be able to read people's face and or body language. he has what I want the most,undoughtable confience. he has this authoritative confiedent posture that can make anyone feel small even if your taller than him(he is six feet tall..gosh..mind you im five foot ten so im not that much smaller lol) I can almpst feel his confident aura radiating off him like a shere around him. but I know he is a kind person down to his bones and that alone should put me at ease yet I still feel nervous around him not in the sence of being scared just feeling small and that when he observes me while I train with any partner I feel overly self-conscious and feel like im being judged.

 

most of my kung-fu brothers tell me not to feel this way, and that its good if your Sifu watches you and observes your training so if you do something wrong or he sees any mistakes he can correct you and help you progress. (I just thought I should mention even though it has no merit that I found this non-comercial club because my father work with my Sifu and that my dad was the only reason my Sifu accepted me despite my young age which he wasnt to crazy about,i contstantly try to be confident and mature as the other older guys and not be childish in any way to proove that im worthy of being in this club.) my Sifu has recently put his foot down and decided to help me "grow" and shake my shyness. he one time was really pushing me when I was training saying "dont forcus on you mistakes and failiures" etc and I just turned around and began to cry and he told me to turn back around and continues to train..and when I tried to wipe my tears he said" dont worry,your tears will fall down and clean the floor" then after about ten minutes he aloud me and my partner to have a break and he said I could go cry now he could see i was overwhelmed but I sighed deeply out of relief of pressure and said I was okay and he smiled and said" good".

he tolded me that he will exploit my weeknesses and that I will have to eventually face my fears for example

- one time we had an odd number of people which left me with no one to train with..so my Sifu walked up to me and asked me what I wanted to do and I reasponded with a nervous and oncfused look then smiled(I smile I guess exepecting the other person to detect my nervousness and to do something to ease it..its a nervous habit I've noticed i have.)but he just smiled back then his eyebrows rases and he just kept on looking at me(hense him saying he would exploit my weeknesses..one..not giving my nervous smile a soothing responce in this case just telling me what to do)

so then I said,I'll practice the second form,

 he said which one?

me: "buigee",

he said"why?".

me: to perfect it and my basic drills"

he said " i'l aks you the same question again but now I want you to answer back fully(I cant remember exactely what he said)so I dont have to keep asking multiple questions

me: I want to blua..trian(I triped on my own words)

he said: "think about it and ill come back to you"(so he continues walking around to observe the others while training to relieve me of the pressure I was feeling then came back)

he said: "well?"

me: " I want to train buigee because I want to practice my coordination so I can keep up with the others when we do then in groups"

he said: "good now go practice it!"

so I go to practice it but then notice my shoes are making squeaky noises another weakness of mine because it makes me feel self-conscious,so I turned around keeping my hands clasped to my sides and looked at my Sifu walk around when he finally notices I wasn't doing anything he asked "whats wrong" and i told him...but he said "your in the spotlight go and perform" then said "your self-consciousness is your weakness" it goes on but you get the picture.....despite the fact my Sifu is a caring person and obviously invests his time in helping every indivudual in this club me included and puts me in a position of feeling what I avoid feeling:shy and self conscious. and how he seem to understand my behaviour before I mentally process my feelings sometimes is weird and frustrating at that specific moment. how is he does and can do this yet my family is mystified by some of my behaviour and ontop of that he raises questions or just simple observation that even I havent thought of. like one time when I was training and he was siting right beside me and my partnes on a chair...so close i felt horribly under preasure getting frustrated with every mistake(not like deep frustration just the kind where you make a habitual frustrated noice or you make a certain face)and he says dont dwell on your failiures and I could feel tear coming up because of how dead on he was about the fact that I do dwell on my failiures.

so if someone can help me inderstand this more please do tell me what you think..

or tell me if it would okay to ask my Sifu myself or would that appear silly and keep in mind I have worn my true qs on my sleeve around him and every time he answered honestly.

BelleRaven BelleRaven
18-21, F
4 Responses Feb 19, 2009

maybe you're secretly in love with him and you don't even realise it yet

Your Sifu sounded like my boss. He's a psychologist by profession, so the'res no point in analising him because I can't win. I hated the fact that he could read my mind . Yes I was shy too before,very self conscious just like you. He helped me a lot, at least I'm not that shy now.My boss can be funny too like your Sifu. You're lucky, your Sifu was your Dads friend so that's a bonus. I guess he just wanted to help you to conquer your fears,shyness to overcome your weaknesses. I understand that to be in that club you have to be mentally tough. My friend's daughter was black belter in karate. I admired her calmness yet she was mentally tough.She used to compete in other countries but now she's married though. Be what you are and focus on reaching your goal... then you'll reap the reward. Good luck.

lol yeah..i don't share my feelings at all or at least not much so I vent on here!

........wow. That was like a super-vent session. I do commend you on your keen memory abilities though.