My Change

I've been shy all my life ever since the first grade and now I'm in high school.

I'm not that talkative, i hide in the shadows unless there are people playing a guitar then i go and watch in the background. I'll every now & then wear light colored close to be noticed but as soon as i walk on campus i hide in the shadows and  i have like 9 or 10 friends but i barley talk to anyone and i keep to myself and my friends will try to introduce me to new people but it never works out I'll shut down and the person walks off all angry. I'm always worried about people judging me and what they think of me, and at lunch I'm afraid they look at me and think that I'm fat bc how much i eat and i stress about everything. i wish that i wasn't shy b/c then i think more people would like me b/c I'm out going and fun and i always want people to be happy even if that means making myself miserable but if people are happy then everything is OK (to me).

BUT that all changed about ...

3 weeks ago my friends introduced me to one of there friends (Jacob) and i was wearing light colored close that day. the first thing he said to me was, "Wow you look great. Better than what you usually wear." i smiled (even though i tried not to) but i was encouraged some more when he stared talking about him self & i found out that we have allot of things in common and i was silently slipping out of my "zombie state" and started to talk to him to & i found out that (by him) that I'm allot of fun when I'm not being a zombie and stuff we have lots of fun together. we started to hang out even more and now we are together and I've never felt so free BUT I'm still shy around people. he and my friends are the only ones i talk to and they try to introduce me to new people but i hide behind Jacob. Lol  and when he isn't around i still hide in the shadows and wear dark close lol but I'm happy and he told me that people call me the ninja girl lol. i feel like I'm in a cage though b/c i know i can be more than this shy girl who hides in the shadows and stuff I'm really fun, exciting, and stuff but how do i show that to people that I'm fun ands stuff? o and i have a really bad tamper lol i will go out of character and be mean but after words i feel really bad what do i do?? can some one help me I'm confused and need help to get through life with out being shy around ppl.

retia retia
18-21, F
2 Responses Feb 27, 2009

in the end you care too much about how people look at you. Who gives a **** about them? the only person that you should worry about liking you is you, if they dont like you for who you are, there will be other people who will like what they see in you. Life is too short to care about what they say, live for you first and them second

im shy too.i actually have the same problems as u do.only i dont have a boyfriend which makes ur situation a little better than mine.it sometimes helps me to think that i dont really care wat they think of me.most ppl i talk to or see in school i dont even care about and im sure u have that too. i know its not much help im sorry. when i come up with something else i ll tell u