A Tool I Found to Ease My Shyness

 

The feeling of being self-conscious can be a very intense emotion,I would know because I feel it

often.It becomes an obsticle that can really cripple you and become a huge obstacle if you let it

grow. that doesn't mean you can't conquer it! that intense emotion that feels like it has endless

rows,really isn't so bad if you challenge it when you feel is easing up you realize what seemed

so horrible wasn't as bad or didn't have as many layers as you thought! It is amazing

really,when you discover this, doesn't mean the shyness and self-consciousness is going to

dissapear but atleast you know its possible to ease the feeling sometimes!

 

Now here comes the reason I posted this besides wanting to share my little sucess and hoping

it is of help to others in some way :

 

at the martial art club I go to, my confidence is always being tested and it doesn't take much.

i've been told its takes "guts" for a girl my age to train with all these guys and sometimes I don't

find it hard to understand why, my Sifu(teacher) has made it clear he will exploit all of my

weaknesses in other words my shyness and self-consiousness. it goes like this, on a good day 

he will let me just train on the "bad" days he will run me through with what ever chalenging

thing he thinks of. for example today he wanted me to do the third form,which i've recently

learned and I am still not confident I have got it down in my memory. so picture this everyone is

in partners and I am on the opposite side of the room facing a mirror alone doing something

that looks completely different from everyone else that alone is making me feel nervous/shy.

And to top it of he stands not more than 4 feet or so away from me no really facing me but I

know he is watching. Now this is not just where my shyness and self-consciousness kicks in but

my fear of either forgetting completely everything,making A mistake with something I would not

if I wasn't under presure and so on. So I emidiatly stand in my spot and look at him through

pleasing eyes hoping he will put someone else with me to do it. but he looks blankly back at me

and asks me to do the form AGAIN. now my nervs begin..I still look back as I motion to start but

collaps my stance. and he says it again adding "I will not repeat myself" now my stomach has

that anoying feeling of shyness and a mix of those uncomfortalble put on the spot feeling you

get in your stomach. so pictiure the position im in on one hand I want to just to what my Sifu 

asks but on the other hand there is this like invisible forse holding my body in place stopping it

from moving with the mind set of "what if I do it completely wrong or....I forget some parts."

stuff like that then on ther other hand he tells me he will not repeat himself giving me little or no

time a spilt second to decide either way : to either give in to my shyness or push it aside and

just do the task i've been asked to do.

 

considering that,that puts preasure one onself,and makes the intense emotions build.

 

 

He walks away to obseve the others,then I start,but as he comes back I stop and all those

insane emotions come back and he asks me "why is it when I walk past the others don't stop

and when I come to watch you,you do?" and trust me when I say he sure doesn't need to ask

why,because he answered before I finished my excuse. because im not confident and overly

self-conscious and that he was like that too and that his sifu told he its will be okay and that he

will not tell me that. his method of getting me out of my "shell" will be the tough love way. I

already realized that along time ago..

 

so then and there is slowly tuned out anything and everyone out and just made this like orb

around myself and focused on nothing more than what I remmbered of the third form,and I

really want to describe it so you all can really understand how I did this.
 

Have you ever looked through a window,like a car window or a window at work and notice that if you focus on the oustide world that its like the window doesn't exist as if you could walk or put your hand right through it versus if you forcus on the window and you see it and that is a solid blocking you from the outside notice the oustide is more blury? can you see what I mean?

 

Anyhow that is what I did I but like a "window" around me and forcused on it making the "outer

world" blury and focused on me and what I was doing without thinking of anything. and I soon

realized that the intensity of my self-consciousness was deminishing!

 

I am truly proud of myself,Awonderful accomplisment!a tool I can use in the future!!!

 

BelleRaven BelleRaven
18-21, F
2 Responses Mar 6, 2009

Good for you.. good job, well done. That's called putting a protective light of energy around yourself. Not many people can accomplish that.

Sounds good