A Way of Life

Shyness has been a way of life for me, for as long as I can remember. Or maybe its anxiety. Dunno, except that its a social phobia that has held me back from achieving a great deal of the dreams I once held.

Childhood was mostly a friendless period for me, as I was never one to express my personality, nor did I have the confidence or social skills to actively forge new friendships. Shyness made me a target for bullying, and only exasperated the problem.

I`ve had no career as such. Just a series of jobs, some of which I`ve either quit due to harrasment over my shyness, or lost due to illness (depression, anxiety) related to shyness.

As I get older I am finding that I force myself into social situations, and stubbonly push myself out of my comfort zone. Particularly when I`m out with my young son. God! I don`t want him to be crippled by a social phobia he may learn from me.

I`m learning to think positively about myself, enjoy my own company, have a voice and mask my insecurities. Its too late for me ever hope that I will a shy-free zone, but I`m starting accept what I can`t change and to change what I can.

My life, when I weigh the good against the bad, is pretty damned good at the moment. Very much a life to be enjoyed.

musicmad musicmad
41-45, M
1 Response Mar 17, 2009

Good luck. I'm in therapy to overcome my social anxiety, and I think you have it too. I suggest enrolling your kid into as many clubs or sports teams as possible and getting him around others as much as possible. Don't let him be a couch potato or obsessed with computers (my childhood, sadly). Don't force him to socialize though. It's good you're actively trying to change yourself. Better late than never.<br />
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I just hate the loneliness that comes with being quiet and shy, which invitably leads to depression. Depression usually leads me to have suicidal thoughts... :( Excelling at sports is a lifesaver for me, literally.