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Forgive..and Let It Go

      We have all probably experienced some for of bullying in our childhood and it affects in a negative way if we let it. I know,because I have been  psychologically bullied and have carried the pain with me till now,feelings of inferiority,ugliness etc. Their words have planted a seed inside of me and has manifested in the form of shyness that has crippled me and hold me back. I never thought of till today when a friend of mine told me I need to forgive. I never realized that carrying those feelings till now was also a form of hatred towards my bullies..so I have decided to forgive them for their insecurity and what ever it is that "inspired" them to treat me the way they did. I tell myself that everything those bullies aren't true,it only seemed true because I was vulnerable then and now that I realize that I know that just because they said what they said about me doesn't make it true. So this means all these words and feelings towards myself that I have carried with me have no need to exist anymore. realizing this that feeling in my chest I call shyness is gone and everytime I feel it return I will repeat this to myself and remind myself that I am the only one that can make a claim on who I am and the only other people that can have a say in this matter are my friends and family that love me and never hurt me. I feel "normal",this is the feeling I've wanted to feel my goal. now my next big goal is to keep what I have attained and never let anyone take it away. I know this is only the first step(thought) now the next one is action,to put my thought into my every moment in life,I can feel that sensation I call shyness edging to place itself in my chest and to make me freeze up and fear but I will not allow it. I will redefine myself ,be who I want to be without the restriction of what I have carried all these years.

...thank-you my friend for inspiring this within me,friends are truly a                                 gift!

and so my life goes on =)

BelleRaven BelleRaven 18-21, F 3 Responses Apr 30, 2009

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I am so proud of you... It's called cutting the cords and when you cut those cords you will feel an intense feeling of lightness and almost relief as if a load has been lifted from you. Bless you for being you.

Very inspiring post, BelleRaven. Thankyou.

Rec'd and saved! :)

I know exactly how you use to feel. Im 18 and i have girls ignore me and act like im never there. I ask them to do stuff with me and they always have an excuse they cant. Then i see them with somebody else and they never return the favor and ask me if i would like to go places with them. And when i say something they either ignore me or they just look at me like why are you talking. So i know how you feel or felt and that was very inspiring. thank you for writing that.