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Stairing In to My Chasm

  okay,so I've theorized,analyzed and all that till I am blue in the face. ran it through my head till my brain sawed my thought in half. I understand my behavior,why I think the way I do,how much I have come along since before and all that. I have come to the point of realizing that all this thinking going on is just a form of stalling because the next step is to put myself into action knowing what I am dealing with. all of this has been triggered ever since I started training kung fu. And ever since I realized that which funny enough was today,I put the pieces together and objectively tried to look at myself and what was going on and all.

  I am finally at the tip of the cliff facing the chasm. (a metaphor I used to help my mother understand the stage I am at)(the chasm is associated with the things I need to do or face such as overcoming shyness,gaining self-confidence and all the damage made from bullying etc)

here is the complete metaphor I conjured up: I am standing on the end of the cliff staring into a dark chasm. I am no longer a child in my safe playground where I can see easily how far some falls are or how close the top of the slide is. I am at the brink of a chasm facing all of my most deepest fears finally I am not blind to it and realize that no mater what theory I make or how much I analyze everything that,that dark chasm will remain the same. so I need to take a deep breath and be confident as I enter in my capability or facing,dealing or reacting to whatever it is I come into contact in that chasm.

 

yet again I was sent home by my Sifu because I froze I didn't take the leap. I am at the point where it doesn't mater why I am afraid or of what I am afraid of. I already know and have pondered of ways to make an easy way to overcome this obstacle....a easy way through that chasm. but surely enough I cannot find one. so next time I will just have to make that leap wether or not I feel ready to because according to my shyness I am never ready so i will just have to make a break and do it. I have done it before but this time I will strive for a goal and get it and unlike last time I won't believe it to be just a fluke.

BelleRaven BelleRaven 18-21, F Aug 13, 2009

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