I Want To Have A Life!

I thought that I was going to have a pretty decent day today but it turned out to be another day where it's hard for me to breathe. I am proud of the fact that I took the steps into therapy so I can get some help with my situation; I wished that my second appointment was the next day so I can get more off of my chest. Having to look at my stepfather was too much and he makes me sick just thinking about him right now. My mom keeps asking me if I am getting tired of staying here at this house...I want to say yes but my chest hurts more whenever I want to express myself to my mom. I can't remember when things changed between us but I haven't liked the change since. I lost my best friend to a manipulative, controlling jerk who thinks that he can do everything and everything right! I just feel like crying right now but I don't to because I'm afraid that someone will hear me and berate me for being human. I can't be tired without my mom always asking me what wrong in a harsh tone. Who wants to hear that on a daily basis? The other part of me doesn't want to be angry with my mom; she's unaware of the real reasons why I am not happy with where I am and I would love to tell her without her making a scene or brushing it off like nothing is wrong. I just ready for my next appointment with my therapist and that's next week...any advice to how I can cope with this?
beautywithin20 beautywithin20
18-21, F
1 Response Jan 15, 2012

I understand how you feel, I know the chest pains very well. It sounds like your mom cares but she hates seeing you in pain and don't know how to handle it, so she uses anger because she doesn't no any other way. Your taking the right steps by going to a therapist it helps, but there is no cure. Life is an on going struggle you have to take day by day. Keep your head up stay strong, and keep moving to your goals of happiness. That is the only way you can get passed what ails you.

I understand that there is no cure I'm just happy that I was able to talk to someone about my problems and actually listen to me without criticizing me. What really hurts is the fact that she knows what kind of person my stepfather is but she only sees what she wants to see while I have to look at the rest of him :(.