Im Afraid Of Getting Bitter

Im 28, and have been sick for 28 years. I have bechets, fibro, epilipsy, barrettes, endometosis, chronic ovarian ruppturing cysts, and a neruological pain disorder. This past winter my husband was deployed, but since I went into a really bad flare, in and out of icu, they brought him home. He said he wanted to be home to take care of me instead of my parents. I was on ketamine at the time and had to have someone with me all the time. Two weeks after he got home he left me, would of been married for six years in sep. Oh and during this my grandmother died, my favorite person on this earth. I also had to quit my job, a job I loved. I was a scrub nurse, so when my patients would tell me about their pain, I could actually relate, I liked that about my job. So with no job, no husband, I had to move back into my parents house. And they are the greatest people on earth, they are my best friends, and never gave up. without them, I'd probably be dead. I can't even get started on what the dr.s here did to me. But any more when I hear about people complaining about their "pain" or like a guy on the news tonite was upset that people keep driving in a small corner of his yard! I would give anything in the world for that to be my biggest problem. But I don't wanna get bitter, maybe that really is a big deal to that person. I think I would feel better if I could just some how pay my parents back, and some day I will. I have no idea how, since I'm not allowed to work that could be a problem, but I will figure it out. There is no one in the world that deserves it more, oh yeah, as a kicker my mom has behcets as well. Wow, I've never done this before, felt good to vent, sorry anyone out there who had to read my pity party. Stay strong people, even if ur getting ur *** kicked everyday, think of those that love you. Puts me in a better mood to think about what I can do for my parents...some day
PollyK PollyK
2 Responses Jun 16, 2012

U sound like a pretty strong lady, urself. But when u have been that sick for that, roll and die? Or keep living, it won't be fun, or easy, but that's our only choice. And when I get a good day, I will operate at light speed. May pay for it for days, but that one day... I don't think about the pain. Just the moment

I know how you feel in a lot of ways. I have been sick off and on my whole life and without my mom and step-dad there to support me especially emotionally I do not think I would be here today. I had a fiance of 5 years leave me just a few weeks after my open heart surgery and that is hard. I also have always felt that one of the biggest reasons my parents divorced was because my biological father was not man enough to handle all my medical issue. I was very sick as a baby and young child from everything like pneumonia all the time to chronic ear infections to my heart problem to being in a body cast because my hip didn't form and so on. I thank God every day that my mother is such a strong person who was there through it all for me and then my dad came in the picture when I was 8. Now I am 40 and I still have lots of medical issues and emotional issues that they help so much with. They are also my best friends and I will never be able to repay them for all they have done to help me and my son. I am now on disability and alone a lot, but they make sure I am doing okay and I at least get out of the house and visit them so I don't totally turn into a hermit :-) We just need to tell them how thankful we are for them and let them know that we are also always here for them!